Your Grandfather is dying

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Ohg Rea Tone is all or nothing. He is educated and opinionated, more clever than smart, sarcastic and forthright. He writes intuitively - often disregarding rules of composition. Comment on his posts - he will likely respond with characteristic humor or genuine empathy. He is the real-deal.

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Your Grandfather is dying


Your grandfather, at age 84, is in the hospital. The news gets worse daily. Sixteen years ago he had prostate cancer. The prostate was surgically removed and a little radiation seemed to solve the problem. His left arm began swelling, without explanation, a few months ago. The medical folks did cat scans on his left shoulder. They have now discovered several things. His lymph nodes are swollen. They took a biopsy. Cancer. We have questions – Is this lymphoma? Is this a residual from the prostate cancer of years past? The difference is that lymphoma is a primary cancer and might be treatable. Residuals from the prostate cancer suggest metastasizing – not a good thing – it means the cancer has spread.

Notice how I talk about this in a clinical analysis manner. I am talking about my father. People tell me I am just like him. They usually say that in a disparaging manner. He and I are known as obnoxious, intemperate, sarcastic, self-righteous people. He and I have struggled all of my life – We addressed each other with our personalities rather than our love. Neither of us know how to express love in an appropriate manner.

He is a forceful man of great resolve – and this has been his contract with everyone in his life – including his children.

I feel sad today. He is stuck in a hospital, out of control, left to the decisions of the medical community. That is not his style. He has always presented an image of a man in control of himself – and everything in his realm of influence. I fear he will try to take control by refusing medical treatment. I don’t want to talk with him or the doctors – because it is in my nature to try to take control.

Our life conflict continues.


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