To follow-up on my last post I will present some of the rules of dysfunctional families. This is not advocacy – just observations. This is not original with me – I found it somewhere, copied many times over, worn and crooked print on old paper.
Rules Projected in the Dysfunctional Family
1. Judge others by projecting what they are feeling.
2. Tell others what they feel and deny your feelings.
3. You are expected to be responsible.
4. Maintain the family image.
5. Don’t talk about the past.
6. Follow the leader – agree even if you don’t agree.
7. Give up your needs to please others.
8. I have to give up my value to meet your value or approval.
9. Maintain the image even at your expense.
10. Don’t really let anyone know what your real feelings are.
11. Deny the truth in the event others threaten you, play dumb, fight, yell, hide, lie.
12. Keep the family secret.
13. Interrupt to take the focus off self or the situation.
14. Don’t ask questions.
15. Don’t let them know your feelings.
16. Always pretend you never said it. Blame others.
17. Take the position that it never is going to change.
18. Always blame yourself or others if anything goes wrong (self-blame is first).
19. Don’t complete anything.
20. Always get it right or not at all.
21. Have to meet others expectations.
22. No one ever tells you what the expectations are and if the expectations change.
23. Tell half truths (white lies).
24. Don’t give clear answers (no or yes).
25. Half listen and then figure out the answer.
26. It’s not OK to have fun until the work is done.
27. Take yourself and everyone else seriously.
28. Be loyal to the family even thought they don’t deserve it.
29. Figure out the answer before the question is asked.
30. Never expect others to nurture your feelings – Don’t get your hopes up.
31. Speak low where others can’t hear what is being said.
32. Keep you personal appearance and personality up to meet others expectations.
Son – the idea here is to help Bill Cosby and others to understand the fundamental, and unspoken, values that keep us from achieving our hopes and dreams. I have some other things to present – enough for now.