I have some goofy friends and they occasionally send me some goofy stuff. It is a slow news day so I thought – what the heck – share this with our readers.
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself: “Lillian,
you should have remained a virgin.”
— Lillian Carter (mother of )
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was
not pleased to read the description in the catalog: “No good in
a bed, but fine against a wall.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever
seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to
withdraw that statement.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a
good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
— Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy;
if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential
food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
— Alex Levine
I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s
time for my nap.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish
do in it.
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to
work its way through Congress.
Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it
will avoid you.
Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else
starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too
old to go anywhere.