Funny Quotes from a friend

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Ohg Rea Tone is all or nothing. He is educated and opinionated, more clever than smart, sarcastic and forthright. He writes intuitively - often disregarding rules of composition. Comment on his posts - he will likely respond with characteristic humor or genuine empathy. He is the real-deal.

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Funny Quotes from a friend

Son,

I have some goofy friends and they occasionally send me some goofy stuff. It is a slow news day so I thought – what the heck – share this with our readers.

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself: “Lillian,
you should have remained a virgin.”
— Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was
not pleased to read the description in the catalog: “No good in
a bed, but fine against a wall.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever
seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to
withdraw that statement.
Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a
good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
— Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy;
if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
— Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential
food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
— Alex Levine

I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s
time for my nap.
Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish
do in it.
W.C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to
work its way through Congress.
Will Rogers

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it
will avoid you.
Winston Churchill

Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else
starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too
old to go anywhere.
Billy Crystal

Dad

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