Dad,

I read an article recently on MSN about a guy who wants to legalize marriages between humans and robots. He thinks he has a chance in Massachusetts.

I think that this is a great idea. Too long have we been restricted to marrying one another. Even Gay Marriage, so controversial, is restrictive in that we don’t have total liberty to exercise our free will. It is totally possible to love a robot, and programming the spouse in a relationship to go through the motions of loving and nurturing has already been done. Nothing new there. I am not just talking about the love you have for your kitchen appliances either, I am talking about a magnified version of the love you feel for your car. After all, some of us spend more time in and with the car than around our spouse. Am I right?

And what about those vows? We would have to rewrite them, of course, but that isn’t new either. The “till death do us part” would have to be revised, because we can remove the battery from the robot at any time and not be prosecuted, so that would make the mortality of the statement a little trivial. “In sickness and in health,” well, that’s just silly, because the health of the robot is directly related to the quality of our tools, and who wouldn’t get the best tools to care for the one they love? The intent behind the vows is in the promise, and as long as that is intact, the details are irrelevant.

And let us not forget those poor souls whose lot in life is to play the latest Guitar Hero by themselves in the basement of their parents house, working just enough part time hours to allow for the time to join the occasional Guitar Hero Bar Battle at the local pub? Shouldn’t they have a chance at happiness too? Granted, they would not be any match for e-sarah 2.0 on the x-box, but winning is secondary to having someone to play with.

I say we finally make the dating scene an even playing field. Let’s stop all this human-righteous inequality and start giving our equipment a fair shake. This is not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when.

Some people just choose to be behind the times.

Bryan