Parent are powerful – the most powerful two people a child will ever experience. That is the fundamental triangle of life, Father, Mother, Child. The lens through which we view life was honed in this relationship triangle. This is fundamental to our understanding of relationships, of programmed values, of cognitive distortions, of life.
Our dialog here at The Fireside is an example of a Father and Son, trying to break the bonds of domination, trying to find self, independent of parental influence. This can never be totally accomplished – but we can become aware of the influence. Awareness is freedom.
As the father in this grand experiment, we begin to see our own relationship with our father as we examine the relationship with son. We find ourselves saying almost exact quotes from our father – and every time we recognize another learned trait – and we become more free.
The influence is always there – one can never go backward, can never undo a life experience. We can be aware of the experience and choose how we allow that experience into our active thoughts and behaviors. Until we recognize and face the reality of our life, we are destined to make choices that baffle even ourselves.
Did you ever ask yourself, “Why did I do that?” And then answer with a self-deprecating evaluation? Perhaps we make choices that are programmed from an early age – the programming experience long forgotten – but the residue remains.
In the psychological phenomenon thriller of the 1970’s, “I’m OK, You’re OK,” there is a story about a woman who walks past a music store and hears a song coming from inside. She immediately sinks into a state of depression that she cannot shake. With therapy and some detective work she discovers that the song she heard was the song that was played at her mother’s funeral when the girl was five years old. She did not remember the funeral, but the emotions attached to that experience lingered, to be resurrected by the index of the music.
We are not a psychologist. But we believe we are programmed with emotional responses to life, and are often unaware of the specifics. We travel through life making choices which we believe to be totally rational – but in reality the choices are based on distortions of many years past.
We seek to find our own own bliss. We seek to know ourselves honestly. We believe that the truth will indeed set us free.