They are finally being arrested, secured, immobilized. They come from the planet Bushanus and are called Rovians. Rovians live in the bowels of humanity, infecting civilized people with flu like symptoms. We wander through the news cycle, feeling nauseated, faint-hearted, and dismayed. Some suffer lethal effects, others are carriers.
They came to this planet about twenty-two years ago. With a molecular structure familiar to politicians they were not immediately detected. The virus spread into the States, soon becoming rampant – even in places like the Congressional Sixth District in obscure Missouri. The incumbent Republican Congressman Sam Graves moved his headquarters into the Rovian travel trailer. By 2008 the Rovians reached as far as Alaska, dragging Joe Six Pack into the stench of bowel waste.
But diagnosis remains elusive. The symptoms mirror other political viruses – but left untreated the Rovian flu is fatal. Michael Dukakis was the first reported death from a Rovian strain first identified as Willie-Horton syndrome. The Rovian strain became dormant for a few years, and was late in coming to life in 1992, and politicians from Arkansas seem to have natural immunities to the Rovian bowel infection.
By the year 2000 the Rovian strain had gained immunity from accepted political practice. John McCain fell victim to an air born Rovian and was sent to rehabilitation in the United States Senate. Al Gore suffered such nausea that he was forced into long term care, weaving baskets of organic cane. But having once contracted the virus, McCain’s immunity was strengthened. McCain can now carry the virus around on the tip of his tongue with impunity.
Joe Six Pack, fresh from Alaska, has been exposed to a particularly nasty strain. Early symptoms for carriers are garbled speech, loss of memory, wanton bursts of sarcasm, mindless words sputtered in a manner reminiscent of tourettes syndrome, forced smiles that filter scandalous lies, and incessant winking.
The blessing in this pandemic of political nausea is found in the battle for justice. The primary target of the Rovians is a man with diverse genetics. The Rovians are having a hard time with this particular immune system. The diverse genetics of charm, intelligence, honesty, integrity, humor, and solid family values seems to ward of a variety off attacks by the Rovian degenerates.
The Rovians were a powerful pandemic illness in politics for a generation – but modern thoughtfullness seems to be winning the battle.