America started down the path of deranged politics about twenty years before the United States Constitution was baptized as a non-religious document. With independence declared and a new country emerging the political debate began. Some wanted the new CEO of The United States to be a monarch – an official King. Some said Emperor. Reason and sanity prevailed, the first group of Politicians Anonymous (PA) was formed, and we began our political journey with a President, balanced in power by Legislative and Judicial branches of government. It appears today that most politicians are in denial – they have refused to go to the PA Meetings. The result is a pandemic of Deranged Politics Syndrome. The CDC and the AMA commonly refer to the disease as DPS.
Technology drives the progression of illness. Ben Franklin wrote a newspaper – using the most modern technology of the time – to sanctify derangement of ideology. Our modern technology is different only in velocity – we can make a million mistakes a minute. And we analyze the mistakes a minute later. Franklin had to wait at least a day for readers to post their comments. To pass time Franklin developed an acute sense of humor – something that appears lacking in the flurry of modern communications. Franklin wrote his paper (called a PLOG) and then presented his findings at PA Meetings, where sanity drove the final product. (Some of this is speculation because there are no official meeting minutes).
Deranged politics is magnified by sheer speed. The desire to one-up the next nut captivates all. We are not limited by print, as was Franklin. Our media is both visual and auditory (Note to the GOP, this means pictures and sound). The delivery of the message is no longer limited to paper or even wire – message delivery is instantaneous. The challenge today is to see who can come up with the nuttiest wacko idea before the next legitimized citizen can take a breath. With idea in hand we submit to the internet – no time for meetings.
Ben Franklin wrote his diatribes with a quill pen, translated to lead type, covered with ink, and pressed onto a piece of paper. This process granted Franklin an opportunity to rethink what he was saying, time to go to a meeting. Jefferson penned the first copy of the Declaration of Independence – then Franklin and Adams (Jefferson’s sponsors) reviewed the work and edited for style and content. These men knew they were deranged – and this encounter is referred to as the first meeting of Politicians Anonymous. Using the group as a sounding board each individual was encouraged to stay in the mainstream of thought. These men learned to keep their thoughts private until their group of peers could review and critique.
Deranged Political Syndrome is a chronic, progressive, incurable disease characterized by a lost of control over insane political accusations. The disease has identifiable symptoms and identifiable treatments. More sophisticated diagnostic techniques have identified sub-syndromes to DPS. Most evident of the Sub-Syndromes is the Obama Derangement Syndrome (ODS). The definition of the illness follows DPS, but is Politician Specific.
ODS differs from DPS only in potency and rapidity of progression. People with documented cases of DPS are found to take about fifteen years from initial derangement to whacked-out-loonyness. ODS seems to take control of people’s lives in as short a time as three months. Even people who have never been known to participate in political derangement have been surfacing. They form together like Gulf Coast Tar Balls into groups identified as Tea Parties. Like the tar balls, these Tea Parties are toxic – thus the term political intoxication.
Identified Symptoms of ODS:
Symptoms of ODS include belief in death panels, Obama as Hitler, Obama as Stalin, Obama as dictator, Obama as socialist, Obama as communist, Obama as Muslim, Obama as Anti-American, Obama as the Devil, Obama as the Anti-Christ, Obama as the Grim Reaper, and Christianity as the only means to salvation. Progression is measured by number of Tea Parties, numbers of misspelled hand made signs, level of hypocrisy, and membership in the NRA. Taken together, these symptoms point to chronic political derangement.
Identified Treatments of ODS:
Treatment for ODS can only begin after a period of detoxification – sometimes as long as six days, with the seventh day for rest. Detox usually requires a week away from media exposure. Treatment follows with group and individual counseling. Sometimes families have been severely damaged and family counseling is required. But let no man say that he cannot refrain from deranged Obama discourse unless he regains his family. Recovery is dependent on individual reasoning with accurate political information.
Other potential syndromes:
Early in the 21st Century some politicalologists thought there was a case for Bush Derangement Syndrome. They later used individual reasoning and accurate political information to conclude Bush Derangement was not a syndrome at all – BD was a reality.
Threatened with treatment many people in the Tea Party and the GOP have become associated with dual diagnosis. This means one is affected by Obama Derangement Syndrome and Schizophrenic Paranoia at the same time. Reports are that these folks have formed their own Chapter of Politicians Anonymous – but they won’t tell anyone where they meet. Too bad, because Sarah Palin desperately needs a meeting.