Jef Foxworthy on Being a Missourian

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Jef Foxworthy on Being a Missourian

(This was taken in its entirety from an email).

Missouri according to Jeff Foxworthy:

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t even work there, you may live in Missouri.

If you’ve worn shorts and a jacket at the same time, you may live in Missouri.

If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Missouri.

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Missouri.

If you have switched from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ and back again in the same day, you may live in Missouri.

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in Missouri.

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in Missouri.

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both doors unlocked, you may live in Missouri.

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Missouri.

If everyone in your family has been on a “float trip.” you may live in Missouri.

If the phrase “I’m going to the Lake this weekend” has only one meaning, and everyone knows what you’re talking about, you may live in Missouri.

If “Down South” means Arkansas and you know where Idiots Out Wandering Around are located, you might be from Missouri.

If “Vacation” means driving to Silver Dollar City, Worlds of Fun or Six Flags, you might be from Missouri.

If you ever rode a school bus over an hour each way, you might be from Missouri.

If you failed World Geography in school because you thought Cuba, Versailles, California, Nevada, Houston, Cabool, Louisiana, Springfield, and Mexico were cities in Missouri (And they are mind you!), you might be from Missouri.

If you had school classes canceled because of cold, You’re probably from Missouri.

If you had school classes canceled because of heat, You’re probably from Missouri.

If you can recognize whether another Missourian is from the Boot Heel, Ozarks, Eastern, Middle or Western Missouri soon as they open their mouth, You’re probably from Missouri.

If you know that Harry S. Truman, Walt Disney, George Washington Carver and Mark Twain are all from Missouri, Well… you guessed it.

If you know what “Home of the Throwed Roll” means! You’re probably from Missouri.

If you know what’s supposed to be “knee-high by the Fourth of July.” You’re probably from Missouri.

If you pronounce Missouri with an “ah” at the end. You’re probably from Missouri.

If you think “deer season” is a national holiday. You’re probably from Missouri.

If you’ve ever said (or heard) “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.” You’re probably from Missouri.

If you’ve seen people wear bib overalls to funerals. You’re probably from Missouri.

If your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor. You’re probably from Missouri.

If you’ve seen farmers stop work and remove their hat as a funeral passes by. You’re probably from Missouri.

If you actually understand these jokes, send this so all of your Missouri friends.

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