Physician Jokes
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About the Author

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Gary L. Clark is an author. After a thirty year career he retired to write a novel. He then joined a counselor-in-training program at the local community mental health center and worked three years as a substance abuse counselor. He retired again and has written two more novels. He recently completed the annotation of a self-help book on faith-based self-help. Two published novels (available on address social justice. Mr. Clark is the Editor of He lives in St. Joseph, Missouri.

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Physician Jokes

Doctors are brilliant.  They cure poor people faster.

My doctor told me I had two weeks to live.  I hope they are not in August.

The receptionist said, “Let me get your medical history.  Do you pay your bills on time?”

When a doctor wants a consultation that means he is calling in an accomplice.

A couple of kids were playing in the house and one of the took some money out of his dad’s wallet.  The other boy said, “Come on, let’s play doctor.”  The first kid said, “I am.”

The doctor told the pretty young girl to go in the other room and take off her clothes.  The pretty young girl said, “But it is my Aunt who is sick.”  The doctor turned to the elderly woman and said, “Stick out your tongue.”

Doctors believe that the best things in life are fees.

He is a great doctor, he can tell what is wrong with you by just listening to your wallet.

My doctor is a busy man.  He ca only be contacted through his caddie, the captain of his yacht, or his answering service.

A specialist is a doctor with a smaller practice and a bigger house.

My doctor believes in shock treatment – his bill.

“Did you recover form the operation?”  “No, I still have three more payments.”

I always wanted to be a doctor.  I had the handwriting for it.

Doctors have it really good.  They get a woman to take off her clothes and they send the husband the bill.

There is this one doctor who charges two hundred dollars a visit – more if you are sick.

A patient calls her doctor, “I consulted a palm reader, a fortune teller, a faith healer and a gypsie.”  The doctor says, “Oh great, what dumb advice did they give you?”  “They told me to see you.”

My doctor treated me for insomnia.  He told me to get lots of sleep.

The average patient goes to the doctor four times a year.  The average doctor goes on vacation five times a year.

There was a doctor who failed as a kidnapper.  No one could read his ransom notes.

A husband says to his doctor, “Do you have something that will cure my wife’s laryngitis in a couple of months?”


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