Drunk Jokes

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Gary L. Clark is an author. After a thirty year career he retired to write a novel. He then joined a counselor-in-training program at the local community mental health center and worked three years as a substance abuse counselor. He retired again and has written two more novels. He recently completed the annotation of a self-help book on faith-based self-help. Two published novels (available on Amazon.com) address social justice. Mr. Clark is the Editor of thefiresidepost.com. He lives in St. Joseph, Missouri.

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Drunk Jokes

A local City Council is thinking of closing the bars earlier.  If you can’t get drunk by midnight you are not trying.

A man should learn that martinis and a woman’s breasts have a lot in common.  One isn’t enough and three is too many.

A man recently went on a drinking man’s diet.  He lost 20 pounds and his driver’s license.

A drunk got into a yellow cab.  Take me to the Hi Ho Bar.  The cabbie said, “You’re there.”
The drunk said, “Good, but next time don’t drive so fast.”

He knew he was drunk when his hiccups were slurred.

My uncle won’t eat breakfast unless it has is has ice in it.

Booze is a slow poison.  But who is in a hurry?

A politician got too drunk at a party but was determined to be dignified.  The hostess showed him her newborn twins and he said, “What a beautiful child”.

He knew it was time to stop drinking when he could read the handwriting on the floor.

He read so much about the bad effects of drinking that he had to give up reading.

The Hi Ho is a great bar.  When their patrons have too much to drink they serve coffee on the floor.

Two men were drinking in a bar.  After several drinks one fell on the bar stool and lay quietly on the floor.  The other said to the bartender, “That is what I like about Greg.  He always knows when he has had enough.”

A preacher was sermonizing on the evils of alcohol.  He shouted that the city was filled with drinks, men spent their last pennies on alcohol, they could not go a day without drinking.  A man in the congregation was changed forever – he bought a bar.

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