Drunk Jokes II

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Gary L. Clark is an author. After a thirty year career he retired to write a novel. He then joined a counselor-in-training program at the local community mental health center and worked three years as a substance abuse counselor. He retired again and has written two more novels. He recently completed the annotation of a self-help book on faith-based self-help. Two published novels (available on Amazon.com) address social justice. Mr. Clark is the Editor of thefiresidepost.com. He lives in St. Joseph, Missouri.

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Drunk Jokes II

A drunk went to a police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

“You’ll get your chance i court,” said the desk officer.

“No, no, no!” said the man.  “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.”

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“My sponsor gave me a reality check – but it bounced.”

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I never considered myself a alcoholic, just really good at drinking.  That is until I came across a bar in Las Vegas that advertised “All You Can Drink for $10”.  I knew I was i trouble when I walked up and ordered twenty dollars worth.

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Two drunks are walking along, and one says to the other, “What a beautiful night … look at that moon”.

The other drunk stops and looks at his friend and says, “You are wrong.  That is not the moon, that’s the sun”.

They start arguing for a while until they come upon another drunk.  “Sir,” one says, “could you please help settle our argument?  “Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that is shining.  Is it the sun or the moon?”

The third drunk looks at the sky and then looks at them and says, “Sorry, I don’t live around here.”

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A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and the bartenders asks for their order.

The man says, “I’ll have a beer,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”

“I’ll have a beer too,” says the ostrich.  The bartender pours the beer and says “That will be $3.40 please.”  The man reaches in his pocket ad pays with the exact change.

The next day the man and the ostrich come again.  This time the bartender serves them two large scotches, and once again the man pays with the exact change.

This becomes a routine, until late one evening the two enter again.  This time the bartender can’t hold back his curiosity any longer, “Excuse me sir, how do you always manage to come with the exact change every time?”

“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp.  When I rubbed it a genie appeared and offered me two wishes.  My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the bartender.  “Most people would wish for a million dollars, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live! You’re a genius.”

“One other thing sir,” adds the bartender.  “What’s with the ostrich?”

The man replies, “My second wish was for a chick with long legs.”

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