Redneck Christmas Shopping
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Gary L. Clark is an author. After a thirty year career he retired to write a novel. He then joined a counselor-in-training program at the local community mental health center and worked three years as a substance abuse counselor. He retired again and has written two more novels. He recently completed the annotation of a self-help book on faith-based self-help. Two published novels (available on address social justice. Mr. Clark is the Editor of He lives in St. Joseph, Missouri.

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Redneck Christmas Shopping

Sorry folks, this is no joke.  There are redneck jokes, and those jokes work because they point out the lack of sophistication of a class of people.  For instance, you might be a redneck if you go to family reunions looking for girls.  Humor is found in the absurd, the ludicrous, the unexpected.  Redneck jokes are pretty funny because they point out the serious lack of sophistication of otherwise intelligent people.  Rednecks are single minded.  They establish purpose on whims.  Something occurs to them and off they go.  They are forceful, resourceful, relentless, and possess resolve in epic proportions. Once an idea strikes it must be pursued.  A measurement of a task is often measured in beer.  Like, “That is a 12 beer doghouse”.  meaning that twelve beers were consumed in the building of the doghouse.

We have said before on The Fireside Post that rednecks are ingenious, resourceful beyond reason.  We even suggested that the difference between a redneck and an engineer working for General Motors is that the redneck does not get paid and does not patent his ideas.  The typical redneck is happy enough to watch is creation come to life.  One more thing that is different – the redneck is happy if his invention works one time, the engineer hopes to create something of lasting value.

The typical redneck is also not concerned with appearances.  For that we sometimes think of rednecks as being somewhat humble creatures.  But this is not so.  Rednecks are a proud lot – they just operate with a different set of standards.  The task at hand is the standard of measurement.  Nothing takes precedence over the immediate goal, whatever that is.  Rednecks live ‘in the moment’.  There is little consideration for the future. Take Christmas shopping for example.

One can see in this video the evidence of redneck creativity.  Establish a goal for the next hour of life and go for it.  The stories told around the pot belly stove following the Christmas melee center on tactics and success.  There is no concern for principles or politeness or manners.  That is the domain of the redneck – git-r-done.

We can see from the video that redneckism does not discriminate – men and women, black and white, old and young – they march forward toward the immediacy of the moment.  Rednecks most often claim a faith rooted in a linear history.  There was a beginning, Jesus came, and there will be an end.  Case closed.  But rednecks are unable to apply that same linear progression to their own lives.  They understand they were born, they drank beer, and they will die – but there is little connection to how behavior one day leads to consequences tomorrow.

I think we can add to the list of redneck jokes:  You might be a redneck if you are waiting in line to shop on Black Friday.



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