Golf Jokes
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Ohg Rea Tone is all or nothing. He is educated and opinionated, more clever than smart, sarcastic and forthright. He writes intuitively - often disregarding rules of composition. Comment on his posts - he will likely respond with characteristic humor or genuine empathy. He is the real-deal.

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Golf Jokes

1. These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.
~ Sam Snead

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2. I was three over today: One over a house, one over a patio and one over a swimming pool.
~ George Brett

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3. Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a 7 to do that.
~ Jim Murray

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4. The only sure rule in golf is – he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.
~ Mickey Mantle

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5. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you’re not good at them.
~ Kevin Costner

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6. I don’t fear death, but I sure don’t like those three-footers for par.
~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

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7. After all these years, it’s still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with ham on rye.
~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

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8. The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.
~ Brian Weis

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9. Swing hard just in case you hit it.
~ Dan Marino

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10. My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
~ Lord Robertson

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11. Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
~ Jack Benny

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12. There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.
~ Ben Hogan

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13. Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you’re the best.
~ Jack Nicklaus

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14. The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf. It’s almost a law.
~ H. G. Wells

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15. I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course.
~ Billy Graham

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16. If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.
~ Bob Hope

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17. While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
~ Henny Youngman

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18. You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands works.
~ Lee Trevino

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