Category: humor

humor

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Terror Pranks By Brothers

It was 1955.  I remember because I was on the receiving end of an older brother prank.  (I have said before that I come by my  prank-ing personality honestly – this is an example).  In previous posts I tried to explain my pranks on my younger brothers in a manner that most excuses my errant […]

31Dec2016 | | 2 comments | Continued
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Older Brothers and Pranks

Whether I come by my fascination with pranks honestly or not is sometimes irrelevant. I say ‘honestly’ because I come from a family of pranksters.  And my two older brothers often tested their pranks on me. What was I to do, I passed the pranks on to my younger siblings. Like the time when I […]

30Dec2016 | | 2 comments | Continued
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Artistic Interpretation of Trump Victory

Ben Franklin was a Founding Father who used political cartoons as a means of persuasion.  With biting with he would cause a person to reflect and reconsider.  And that was not his day job.  Some people are just naturally gifted at imagery and symbolism used a tools for thoughtful discourse.  I am no expert on […]

13Nov2016 | | Comments Off on Artistic Interpretation of Trump Victory | Continued
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My Psychiatric Nerve

I have problems; always have had, likely always will.   One of the problems is in naming my problems.  Naming problems is categorically dependent.  When naming a problem, do I use the language of religion, psychiatry, layman, political party – or some variation of modern self-help-ism.  As with most spoken words it depends on the audience. […]

7Nov2016 | | Comments Off on My Psychiatric Nerve | Continued
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Donald Trump Late Night jokes

“Yesterday, Donald Trump said, ‘If I lose, I don’t think you’ll ever see me again.’ So finally, a Trump campaign slogan we can all get behind.” –Conan O’Brien

24Oct2016 | | Comments Off on Donald Trump Late Night jokes | Continued
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More Donald Trump Jokes

“Over the weekend, three pages of Donald Trump’s 1995 tax return were leaked, revealing that he declared a $916 million loss from his three Atlantic City casinos. That’s right. Donald Trump lost money on casinos. You know what they say, ‘The house always loses.’” –Stephen Colbert “You started your campaign by accusing Mexicans of being […]

24Oct2016 | | Comments Off on More Donald Trump Jokes | Continued
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BREAKING NEWS!!!

BREAKING NEWS!!:  We just realized today that, based on historical statistics, our mortality may be in jeopardy.  Seriously, we cannot support the idea of immortality with any historical facts.  And even more serious – aren’t these statements obvious!  So why did I start with “BREAKING NEWS!!!” I was born at about the same time as […]

21Sep2016 | | 1 comment | Continued
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Donald Trump Jokes

“Last night, Donald Trump said if he’s elected, he will employ a ‘deportation task force.’ It’s not really necessary, because if he’s elected most people will probably leave voluntarily.” –Conan O’Brien “The Boston Globe just reported that according to his campaign staff, Donald Trump wouldn’t take any vacations as president. I think that’s because he […]

15Sep2016 | | Comments Off on Donald Trump Jokes | Continued
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Oh Lord Won’t You Give Me?

I loved and love Janis Joplin. I like the song she sang, Mercedes Benz, because it reminds me of a Church I attended with a friend when I was about 16. It was located in South St. Joseph. There was a neon sign outside proclaiming PENTECOSTAL SOMETHING OR OTHER CHURCH. A bright white two story […]

31Jul2016 | | 0 comments | Continued
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My Curiosity Defeats My Timidity

As the title eludes, I like to think I have a defense from fear. Many long years ago, my eldest son was about three. Our yard was fenced in and the best place for him and his sister to be in the summer. Our house was not air-conditioned.  This particular day I was visiting with […]

28May2016 | | 0 comments | Continued
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The “Shoulds” of Life Have Me Down

I have been a responsible man for most of my life.  Some would challenge that point – because my failures have stood out like atomic bombs.  As a Senior Citizen I don’t face too many life changing events or decisions.  But I do have some responsibilities and those become the burrs under my saddle – […]

10Apr2016 | | Comments Off on The “Shoulds” of Life Have Me Down | Continued
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Karma and Life Lessons

Shorthand, I know what it is, but can’t read it. Many years ago at Lowy Enterprises. I received a promotion to work with Dave in Accounts Receivable. At high school I refused typing and shorthand because I didn’t plan on being any man’s secretary, Hah. So, one of my new jobs was to take dictation […]

5Apr2016 | | 1 comment | Continued
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Mixed Blessings, Home Remodeling, and painting the carpet

I have been furiously cleaning house for visitors over the holidays.  I am faithful about this chore, every eleven years I clean the house whether it needs it or not.  This time it is so bad that I decided the best way to cover the dirt was to simply paint it. I have been painting […]

22Dec2015 | | Comments Off on Mixed Blessings, Home Remodeling, and painting the carpet | Continued
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Jelly and Rocket Science

Someone I love has a favorite expression, “it’s not rocket science”, he will say this when someone is having difficulty understanding his direction. Last Summer I attempted to make Elderberry Jelly. It had been nearly two decades since the last time I made this loved delicacy. Nearly every where I have lived as an adult, […]

19Dec2015 | | 0 comments | Continued
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Starbucks vs Christmas Cheer or Lack of

OK, here’s my tilt on the subject. I don’t recall Starbucks declaring an affinity to any religion. Not that they haven’t, I just haven’t heard anything about it. They are a business in the business to make money by making coffee. I have never had a Starbucks product. Probably never will, I find spending more […]

12Nov2015 | | 0 comments | Continued
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Ben Carson Humor – 2015

Ben Carson is that neuro guy – which seems to be an enigma given his loose tongue.  No matter – there are some really creative people running around with high tech opportunities to mix humor, politics, and technology. Enjoy:  

9Nov2015 | | Comments Off on Ben Carson Humor – 2015 | Continued
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Walking the Roof of Methodist Hospital – Circa 1972

It was literally ‘the good old days’.  Data Processing.  No MIS or IT or IS.  We processed data – and the data came in the form of punched cards.  Everything was ‘batch’ processing – almost no ‘real time’ interaction.  But that is an aside for the purposes of this post.  This story is about walking […]

17Oct2015 | | 3 comments | Continued
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Political Correctness – Applying Manners Across The Board

I grew up in a lower class mixed race neighborhood.  At age twenty-two, with no college training, I went to work in an office, wearing a coat and tie.  I was rude and crude.  But I have to say that by today’s standards we were all somewhat rude and crude – times change and polite […]

14Oct2015 | | Comments Off on Political Correctness – Applying Manners Across The Board | Continued
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Mr. Mullinax

I was once a young man, in a land far away. Well, about two miles from where I sit today.  Methodist Hospital hired me as a Computer Operator three weeks before my first child was born.  Actually, Larry Koch hired me – he was the Computer Operations Manager.  His boss was John Mullinax.  John was […]

13Oct2015 | | 1 comment | Continued
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Quotes from Yogi Berra

1. “It ain’t over till it’s over.” 2. “It’s deja vu all over again.” 3. “I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4.” 4. “Never answer an anonymous letter.” 5. “We made too many wrong mistakes.” 6. “You can observe a lot by watching.” 7. “The future ain’t what it used to be.” […]

24Sep2015 | | Comments Off on Quotes from Yogi Berra | Continued
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Ladies and Gentlemen, Germans and Gents….

Another song from childhood: Ladies and gentlemen, Germans and gents, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants, I come before you because I am not behind you to tell you something I know nothing of. One bright day in the middle of the night two dead boys got up to fight back to back they faced each […]

6Sep2015 | | Comments Off on Ladies and Gentlemen, Germans and Gents…. | Continued
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A Horse, A Flea, And Three Blind Mice

I learned this song as a child, taught it to my children and some grandchildren. A horse and a flea and the three blind mice were sitting on a tombstone rolling dice, the horse fell down and landed on the flea, oops said the flea there’s a horse on me. Boom Boom aint it great […]

6Sep2015 | | Comments Off on A Horse, A Flea, And Three Blind Mice | Continued
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Hammering Bill Cosby

Judd Apatow is a comedian – with skills perhaps not equal to Bill Cosby – but astoundingly accurate when portraying the beleaguered comedian. Apatow uses Cosby’s own style to hammer home a point – a point that must be made. This routine is entirely appropriate and dead on: Here is the link  

21Jul2015 | | Comments Off on Hammering Bill Cosby | Continued
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Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick! BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period. JOHN McCAIN: My […]

12Jul2015 | | Comments Off on Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? | Continued
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Blonde Jokes

“An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake… He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’ The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, […]

31May2015 | | Comments Off on Blonde Jokes | Continued
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Stupid Jokes (jokes about being stupid)

Captured from the internet: Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. ‘We don’t have half dozen nuggets,’ said the teenager at the counter. ‘You don’t?’ I replied. ‘We only have six, […]

31May2015 | | Comments Off on Stupid Jokes (jokes about being stupid) | Continued
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Puns

We picked these up from the internet: .. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. .. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. .. The batteries were given out free of charge. .. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. .. A will is a dead giveaway. .. […]

28Jan2015 | | Comments Off on Puns | Continued
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“It Was So Cold…” (Cold Jokes)

From the internet: It was so cold . . . we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues! It was so cold… hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs! It was so cold… roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and […]

8Jan2015 | | Comments Off on “It Was So Cold…” (Cold Jokes) | Continued
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The Absurdy Of Private Humor

My friend has a girlfriend – she lives in another State.  I assumed that refers to geography rather than a mindset.  He told me that he called her and they talked for two hours.  He called the next day and she reported that she is running out of minutes so she cannot talk again until […]

10Dec2014 | | Comments Off on The Absurdy Of Private Humor | Continued
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Sexting, The Secret Codes of Youth

I am right up front on this one.  I had no idea.  But this should come as no great surprise to anyone.  Perhaps a degree of initial shock – but after some brief contemplation – not surprising.  R U getting this?  The coded language of texting and internet chatting had to contain sexual references.  Sex […]

9Dec2014 | | Comments Off on Sexting, The Secret Codes of Youth | Continued
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Thanksgiving Jokes

Gobble these up~ Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims like? A: Plymouth Rock Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? A: Pilgrims Q: Why can’t you take a turkey to church? A: They use FOWL language. Q: Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? A: It had 24 […]

22Nov2014 | | 1 comment | Continued
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A Fan’s Guide to Baseball Lingo

From a friend’s facebook post: Baseball Basics: Lingo A fan’s guide to commonly-used terms and phrases. ace — A team’s best starting pitcher. alley– The section of the outfield between the outfielders. Also “gap.” around the horn– A double play going from third base to second to first. backdoor slider — A pitch that appears […]

26Oct2014 | | Comments Off on A Fan’s Guide to Baseball Lingo | Continued
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Golf Jokes

1. These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. ~ Sam Snead ——————————————————————————– 2. I was three over today: One over a house, one over a patio and one over a swimming pool. ~ George Brett ——————————————————————————– 3. Actually, the only time I […]

28Jun2014 | | 1 comment | Continued
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Irish Humor

One night, Mrs McMillen answers the door to see her husbands best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep. “Hello Paddy, but where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory” Paddy shook his head. “Ah Mrs McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat […]

11Mar2014 | | 1 comment | Continued
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Duck Dynasty – When Rednecks Are No Longer Funny

You might be a redneck if you go to family reunions looking for girls.  Pretty funny stuff right there.  God forgive me.  Duck Dynasty is a reality show airing on A&E.  The premise is simple – some rednecks living in the swamplands of Louisiana became rich selling hand wrought Duck calls.  But, alas, they remain […]

25Dec2013 | | Comments Off on Duck Dynasty – When Rednecks Are No Longer Funny | Continued
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The Ressurection of Ohg Rea Tone

Ohg Tone and I have been friends for forty years.  I first remember him when my oldest daughter was two years old.  Ohg showed up and brought sarcastic humor into my family.  As crude as he is – there is always a spark of humor.  Ohg became a writer for thefiresidepost.com in 2007.  After five […]

25Dec2013 | | Comments Off on The Ressurection of Ohg Rea Tone | Continued
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Redneck Christmas Shopping

Sorry folks, this is no joke.  There are redneck jokes, and those jokes work because they point out the lack of sophistication of a class of people.  For instance, you might be a redneck if you go to family reunions looking for girls.  Humor is found in the absurd, the ludicrous, the unexpected.  Redneck jokes […]

1Dec2013 | | Comments Off on Redneck Christmas Shopping | Continued
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Stupid Jokes From the Web

All of these jokes were taken directly from a facebook post.  Enjoy. Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. ‘We don’t have half dozen nuggets,’ said the teenager at the counter. […]

6Sep2013 | | Comments Off on Stupid Jokes From the Web | Continued
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Self Pity Sarcasm

Generally speaking, sarcasm is toxic.  Sarcasm poisons conversation, debate, and relationships.  However!!!  Once in a while sarcasm is an effective tool for dramatizing that which needs to change.  Here are a few sarcastic comments on self-pity: The Pity Train has just derailed at the intersection of Suck it up and Move On, and crashed into […]

18Aug2013 | | Comments Off on Self Pity Sarcasm | Continued
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Random Humor From the Internet

  I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 79. I’m so happy, because I live at number 71. So it’s not too far to walk home afterwards. And it’s the same side of the street. I don’t even have to cross the road! ~~~~~ Answering […]

6Aug2013 | | 2 comments | Continued
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Drunk Jokes II

A drunk went to a police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance i court,” said the desk officer. “No, no, no!” said the man.  “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.” ************************************************************************************************** “My sponsor […]

5Aug2013 | | Comments Off on Drunk Jokes II | Continued
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Twenty Dollars for Sex

Rodney Dangerfield said he suggested he and his wife have sex like they did before they were married.  She said, “OK, give me twenty dollars.” And from the net: On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.  In his highly aroused state, her […]

26Jul2013 | | 1 comment | Continued
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…The Fight Started —

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’ ‘No,’ she answered. I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’ … She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’ So I said, […]

19Jul2013 | | Comments Off on …The Fight Started — | Continued
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Crude Jesus, Christmas, Church Jokes

JESUS: Jesus walks into a hotel.  He hands the room clerk three nails and says, “Can you put me up for the night? I don’t care who you are, get back in the boat and help us row. I don’t care who you are, drop that cross one more time and you are out of […]

23Jun2013 | | Comments Off on Crude Jesus, Christmas, Church Jokes | Continued
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Congress Jokes

The Democrat and the Republican Congressmen were arguing.  One said, “I’ll bet you five dollars you do not even know the preamble to the Constitution.  The other said, “I pledge allegiance to the United States….”  The first interrupted and said, “I didn’t think you would know it,” and handed over five dollars. “He’s so conservative […]

3Jun2013 | | Comments Off on Congress Jokes | Continued
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Trash Talk – The Elixir of Human Life

My predecessor at thefiresidepost.com, Ohg Rea Tone, was entertaining – if not always correct.  He slung sarcasm like a pig in a sty.  Mr. Tone recognized the elixir of human life was trash talk.  Those moments in life when humans harmoniously agree on everything are just the one minute break between rounds.  We can tell […]

18May2013 | | Comments Off on Trash Talk – The Elixir of Human Life | Continued
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Drunk Jokes

A local City Council is thinking of closing the bars earlier.  If you can’t get drunk by midnight you are not trying. A man should learn that martinis and a woman’s breasts have a lot in common.  One isn’t enough and three is too many. A man recently went on a drinking man’s diet.  He […]

15Mar2013 | | Comments Off on Drunk Jokes | Continued
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Men Jokes

A man is  happily married.  He has a wife who works while he stays home, a wife who cooks, and a wife who has sex like rabbits – Hopefully they will never meet. Some men say they can understand women.  They are either psychiatrists or in need of one. A dietician was lecturing on the […]

15Mar2013 | | 1 comment | Continued
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Physician Jokes

Doctors are brilliant.  They cure poor people faster. My doctor told me I had two weeks to live.  I hope they are not in August. The receptionist said, “Let me get your medical history.  Do you pay your bills on time?” When a doctor wants a consultation that means he is calling in an accomplice. […]

2Mar2013 | | Comments Off on Physician Jokes | Continued
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Golf Jokes

A very fine young woman once said, “Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a handsome young golfing partner.  You can keep the clubs and the fresh air.” If you have a hard time meeting new people just try picking up the wrong golf ball. “I’ll bet there are people worse at golf than me.”  […]

28Feb2013 | | Comments Off on Golf Jokes | Continued