Category: Wit and Wisdom
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Wit and Wisdom

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Random Humor From the Internet

  I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 79. I’m so happy, because I live at number 71. So it’s not too far to walk home afterwards. And it’s the same side of the street. I don’t even have to cross the road! ~~~~~ Answering […]

6Aug2013 | | 2 comments | Continued
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Drunk Jokes II

A drunk went to a police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance i court,” said the desk officer. “No, no, no!” said the man.  “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.” ************************************************************************************************** “My sponsor […]

5Aug2013 | | Comments Off on Drunk Jokes II | Continued
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Twenty Dollars for Sex

Rodney Dangerfield said he suggested he and his wife have sex like they did before they were married.  She said, “OK, give me twenty dollars.” And from the net: On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.  In his highly aroused state, her […]

26Jul2013 | | 1 comment | Continued
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…The Fight Started —

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’ ‘No,’ she answered. I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’ … She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’ So I said, […]

19Jul2013 | | Comments Off on …The Fight Started — | Continued
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Crude Jesus, Christmas, Church Jokes

JESUS: Jesus walks into a hotel.  He hands the room clerk three nails and says, “Can you put me up for the night? I don’t care who you are, get back in the boat and help us row. I don’t care who you are, drop that cross one more time and you are out of […]

23Jun2013 | | Comments Off on Crude Jesus, Christmas, Church Jokes | Continued
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Congress Jokes

The Democrat and the Republican Congressmen were arguing.  One said, “I’ll bet you five dollars you do not even know the preamble to the Constitution.  The other said, “I pledge allegiance to the United States….”  The first interrupted and said, “I didn’t think you would know it,” and handed over five dollars. “He’s so conservative […]

3Jun2013 | | Comments Off on Congress Jokes | Continued
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Trash Talk – The Elixir of Human Life

My predecessor at thefiresidepost.com, Ohg Rea Tone, was entertaining – if not always correct.  He slung sarcasm like a pig in a sty.  Mr. Tone recognized the elixir of human life was trash talk.  Those moments in life when humans harmoniously agree on everything are just the one minute break between rounds.  We can tell […]

18May2013 | | Comments Off on Trash Talk – The Elixir of Human Life | Continued
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Corresponding With an Inmate in the Missouri Department of Corrections

Geez – corresponding with an inmate in the Missouri Department of Corrections can be very rewarding – and very frustrating.  I am learning the rules as we go. My friend Joey is serving time for his fourth DWI.  I do not dispute the sentence – DWI is a serious offense.  Driving while intoxicated is responsible […]

1May2013 | | 1 comment | Continued
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Drunk Jokes

A local City Council is thinking of closing the bars earlier.  If you can’t get drunk by midnight you are not trying. A man should learn that martinis and a woman’s breasts have a lot in common.  One isn’t enough and three is too many. A man recently went on a drinking man’s diet.  He […]

15Mar2013 | | Comments Off on Drunk Jokes | Continued
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Men Jokes

A man is  happily married.  He has a wife who works while he stays home, a wife who cooks, and a wife who has sex like rabbits – Hopefully they will never meet. Some men say they can understand women.  They are either psychiatrists or in need of one. A dietician was lecturing on the […]

15Mar2013 | | 1 comment | Continued
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Physician Jokes

Doctors are brilliant.  They cure poor people faster. My doctor told me I had two weeks to live.  I hope they are not in August. The receptionist said, “Let me get your medical history.  Do you pay your bills on time?” When a doctor wants a consultation that means he is calling in an accomplice. […]

2Mar2013 | | Comments Off on Physician Jokes | Continued
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Golf Jokes

A very fine young woman once said, “Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a handsome young golfing partner.  You can keep the clubs and the fresh air.” If you have a hard time meeting new people just try picking up the wrong golf ball. “I’ll bet there are people worse at golf than me.”  […]

28Feb2013 | | Comments Off on Golf Jokes | Continued
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Farm Jokes

I met a farmer who was a magician.  He turned a cow into a field. We were in the country, standing by wishing well.  My wife fell in.  I had no idea those things really worked. What this country needs is a lie detector that seed catalogs can take. We tried mating cows and mules […]

18Feb2013 | | Comments Off on Farm Jokes | Continued
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Famous Last Words

I don’t burn.  I tan. Is there anything that I can do? General Custer commanded, “Men, don’t take any prisoners!” If you had any brains or ambition you would not be a traffic policeman. Give me a match, I think the tank is empty. Take off your clothes, the doctor will be with you in […]

15Feb2013 | | Comments Off on Famous Last Words | Continued
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Elephant Jokes

Why does the elephant wear red sneakers.? So he can hide in the strawberry patch. How do you get six elephants in a Ford Focus?  Three in the front and three in the back. Why do elephants have flat feet?  So they can stand on marshmallows. Why do elephants stand on marshmallows?  So they won’t […]

15Feb2013 | | Comments Off on Elephant Jokes | Continued
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Ego Humor

He’s not egotistical.  He just loves intelligent people. He collects his own autographs. Some people think they know everything.  They irritate those of us who do. His marriage was a triangle:  Him, his wife, and him. He never takes a hot shower, it clouds his mirror. He found his better half in a mirror. Fall […]

15Feb2013 | | Comments Off on Ego Humor | Continued
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Bearing the Sword of Justice

I am Aries, born under Mars. I swing a heavy sword, the heavy sword of justice. The sword strikes at ignorance, at injustice, at human frailty. A child is threatened. Captured by the rogue of the closed mind. The child, once destined for greatness, becomes the rogue. Small town America, a bastion of self righteous […]

17Jan2013 | | Comments Off on Bearing the Sword of Justice | Continued
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Jef Foxworthy on Being a Missourian

(This was taken in its entirety from an email). Missouri according to Jeff Foxworthy: If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t even work there, you may live in Missouri. If you’ve worn shorts and a jacket at the same time, you may live in Missouri. … If you’ve had […]

5Jan2013 | | Comments Off on Jef Foxworthy on Being a Missourian | Continued
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Old Men Walking, And Falling Down

I am a senior.  That is the life designation we get when we are between middle age and elderly.  My health is generally good.  I walk about three miles every day and as a result I take no medications for any heart or respiratory conditions.  But walking of late has become a treacherous proposition.  I […]

23Oct2012 | | Comments Off on Old Men Walking, And Falling Down | Continued
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Courtroom Humor

This was copied from a facebook post.  We fid humor to be refreshing – humor helps keep our sanity from a complete meltdown.  Enjoy. HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES???? These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down […]

9May2012 | | Comments Off on Courtroom Humor | Continued
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Muslim Rednecks

I know a bunch of Rednecks.  They live in my neighborhood and gather at my family functions.  Their language is unique, something like Ebonics but with a twang.  There are not many Muslims around Northwest Missouri – or at least they don’t publicly admit to their faith.  About a hundred years ago regular Catholics did […]

25Aug2010 | | 1 comment | Continued
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Youth Violence – Not Just Fight or Flight

Mark Twain used youth violence as a humorous anecdote necessary to the maturing process of young boys. In The Adventures of Tom Sawyer two boys (one is Tom) confront each other on the street; they taunt, tease, dare, and then scuffle. Tom is victorious when the other boy cries ’nuff!’ Not one sociologist at the time raised a stink about Twain’s portrayal of youth violence.

22Aug2010 | | 3 comments | Continued
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Writing as a tool of personal development

My son and I began this magazine almost three years past.  I have personally written over eleven hundred (1,100) posts.  That is more than one a day.  Why would anyone do such a goofy thing?  I write because I am compelled to write.  Every thought that crosses my mind must be written – and examined.  […]

22May2010 | | Comments Off on Writing as a tool of personal development | Continued
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Uniform Design Contest For Huffington Post Police Badges

Arianna Huffington has established a secret police force to monitor and control reader comments.  Additionally the Huffington Post will now monitor, for free, reader social networking sites.  Three different levels of  ‘badges’ of authority can be earned by following Huffinton’s guidelines.  The Fireside Post is volunteering to assist with the design of Huffington Police Uniforms.  […]

30Apr2010 | | Comments Off on Uniform Design Contest For Huffington Post Police Badges | Continued
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Redneck Ingenuity – or Schizophrenic Engineering?

I know rednecks.  I should.  I am one generation removed from hillbillies.  Around these parts people who are one generation removed must go through the redneck phase – and sometimes that phase lasts a couple of generations.  I am known as a half-breed because I obtained a formal university education.  Even my redneck friends will […]

5Feb2010 | | 3 comments | Continued
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The Redneck, The Italian, and The German

A redneck an Italian and a German were captured by the French.  All convicted – they were sentenced to death by the guillotine. The Italian was led to the platform and given one last opportunity say his last words.  He said, “Long live Italy.” The French put his head on the block and let the […]

13Oct2009 | | 1 comment | Continued
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Letterman on Bush, McCain, Palin, and Clinton

David Letterman is taking over late night television.  With this monologue, it is easy to see why.  His writers are superb, and Letterman knows how to tell a joke.  Is this merely a case of art reflecting reality – or are these just jokes?

28Aug2009 | | Comments Off on Letterman on Bush, McCain, Palin, and Clinton | Continued
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Polite Manners With Name Prefixes

How do you address others?  How are we supposed to address others?  The internet serves to mix cultures and polite manners.  My internet friend in San Francisco calls me Mr. Tone.  I call her Ann – thinking by so doing I would subtly give her permission to call me Ohg.  She figured me out and […]

12Jun2009 | | 1 comment | Continued
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How to Handle a Heckler

In case you ever get the notion that you might launch your comedy career from the seats rather from the stage, I hope that this will be a reminder that the brave and the truly funny are always the people on stage. You are just the annoying person in the audience and, trust me, no one there is cheering for you.

31Mar2009 | | Comments Off on How to Handle a Heckler | Continued
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Hypochondria – The Disease Of The Elderly

I am in the class of people politely referred to as ‘Senior.’ When I was young I thought Senior meant really old, fragile, frail, sickly, helpless. Today I understand Senior as that stage of life before Elderly. Senior is a prelude to an honest understanding of illness and mortality. Senior is that time of life where we begin to examine the ailments we will experience as elderly. I used to be a hypochondriac, but now I think I have something much worse. – it is called aging.

30Mar2009 | | Comments Off on Hypochondria – The Disease Of The Elderly | Continued
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Colbert and Conan – String Dancing

What can we say – these two are great comedians. Steven Colbert and Conan O’Brian often play off each other – they make fun of each other and politicians should take a clue of how to react. Conan invented the ‘string dance’ and Colbert imitated Conan. Here they are together:

18Feb2009 | | Comments Off on Colbert and Conan – String Dancing | Continued
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The Sentence – confusing a simple thought

The sentence is the most simple form of expressing a thought. The sentence must have a subject and a predicate – well, not exactly. The subject and predicate can be explicit, or simply understood. We are assuming of course that one wants to express a complete thought. But a sentence may also have an object, may have modifiers, may have connectives, and may have independent elements. So what is so hard about that? Please feel free to help with this understanding.

17Feb2009 | | 2 comments | Continued
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America Derailed

Rights organizations have historically been a blessing to life as we know it today. While they did not necessarily reflect the ideology of every person in this great country, their purpose was for progression and prosperity of the nation as a whole. Women’s rights, abolishment of slavery, equal opportunity employment and to a good degree, affirmative action have all been for positive change to move our country forward. Now we are stuck in a gravy bowl of economic turmoil and some of these new found organizations are just adding flour.

17Jan2009 | | 2 comments | Continued
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The Prophecy of Ohg Rea Tone – 2009

Prophecy is only valuable if it presents opportunity for change.  Absolutes are for the cynical, for those who presume their destiny is predetermined.  Free will suggests we have something to say about our life.  In the tradition of ancient Bible Prophets we will offer some conditional prophecy for 2009: If we reward failure, failure will […]

16Dec2008 | | 1 comment | Continued
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The Future Is Not What It Used To Be

I studied electronics at The Electronics Institute in Kansas City. That was a long time ago. We studied vacuum tubes. Vacuum tube radios and television and radar systems. It was the dawn of the transistor – we talked about transistors in class, and experimented with diodes in building full-wave bridge power supplies. Resonant circuits were […]

12Dec2008 | | Comments Off on The Future Is Not What It Used To Be | Continued
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Tabloid Voyeurism Sells

We are not talking about the National Enquirer here folks.  We are talking about Cable News, Network News, Print Newspapers, Print Magazines, and of course the internet boom in journalistic voyeurism.  We just gave an example  – the use of the term ‘journalistic voyeurism’ is much more interesting than say, ‘Journalistic practice.’ The Fireside Post […]

10Dec2008 | | Comments Off on Tabloid Voyeurism Sells | Continued
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Take Us to your Leader Elect

Featured McClatchy cartoon Jim Morin / Miami Herald (December 1, 2008) | Cartoons for the week of 24 November 2008

2Dec2008 | | Comments Off on Take Us to your Leader Elect | Continued
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To the Victor goes the Spoils

11Nov2008 | | Comments Off on To the Victor goes the Spoils | Continued
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A Brief History of the “F-Bomb”

A Brief History Of The “F-Bomb” By M.J. Stephey Monday, Nov. 10, 2008 Comedian George Carlin performing his infamous 1973 monologue “Filthy Words” “The F-word is one of the most graphic, explicit and vulgar words in the English language,” U.S. Solicitor General Gregory Garre proclaimed last week during a Supreme Court hearing on the First […]

10Nov2008 | | Comments Off on A Brief History of the “F-Bomb” | Continued
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Cable Talking Head Conundrum

We find ourselves in a technological quandry.  This writer is an amateur politica junkie (is that an oxy moron), or just moronic?  Does Oxy imply a clean moron?  No matter – today we find ourselves struggling to find real news and intelligent commentary on the cable ‘news’ channels. Wolf Blitzer is just a bore, welcome […]

2Nov2008 | | Comments Off on Cable Talking Head Conundrum | Continued
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Black Muslim Terrorist

29Oct2008 | | 5 comments | Continued
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Is McCain a Natural Blonde

John McCain has had so many gaffes this year that some of the boys down at the Bait Shop are wondering if he is a natural Blond.  We did not think much of this talk until Elizabeth Horseback went on the Campaign stump for McCain and Palin.  That about sealed the deal.  She wrote the […]

27Oct2008 | | Comments Off on Is McCain a Natural Blonde | Continued
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The Need for Healthy Children to Fight Our Wars

The marvel of conservative inconsistency continues hacking away at the forest of civilization. The forest has become so important that they have forgotten that it is comprised of individual trees. IN this case the individual trees are our children – our future soldiers. Stop abortion, but don’t offer the newborn health care. Protect the lives […]

22Oct2008 | | Comments Off on The Need for Healthy Children to Fight Our Wars | Continued
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BBC – Mock the Week (Targeting Obama and McCain)

This is filmed for the BBC – British Broadcasting Company. The Program is Mock The Week – and nothing is off limits. These guys are awful – awful in the sense that nothing is sacred. In these videos they mock Barack Obama, John McCain, and the US Elections. We found this to be quite funny.

19Oct2008 | | Comments Off on BBC – Mock the Week (Targeting Obama and McCain) | Continued
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Sarah Palin on SNL with Tina Fey

Sarah Palin jumped on the bandwagon, again. She is pretty good at riding the waves of others. Either Sarah Palin is a good sport – or she just does not get the point.

19Oct2008 | | Comments Off on Sarah Palin on SNL with Tina Fey | Continued
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Bush’s Two Minute State of The Union

From the horses ass (or mouth, whatever), we get the whole truth.   In these times of struggle and turmoil, in an election year when all is clouded in distrust and double-talk, we finally get a glimpse of some honesty from the White House.   I have to admit, I am glad to see this administration breaking […]

14Oct2008 | | Comments Off on Bush’s Two Minute State of The Union | Continued
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Sarah Palin – I’m so Pretty

Natalie Wood perfectly captured the essence of Governor Sarah Palin in the 1961 musical West Side Story.  As we learn more about the Alaskan Governor through media interviews and scandal investigations – we realize the shallowness of this person, Sarah Palin. We apologize to fans of Natalie Wood, Natalie really was pretty and talented. The […]

12Oct2008 | | 5 comments | Continued
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McGrinch

Media has painted McCain as the Grinch. Here is the story. This McGrinch was a citizen of Peopleville. The residents of Peopleville where a happy bunch, who all would come together for the best interests of the people. There where mainly two types of people in Peopleville. The Republiwhys and the Demawhats. They were a […]

11Oct2008 | | 2 comments | Continued
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McCain, Palin is Great Because I was a POW

John McCain had a news flash for Americans in the town hall debate the other day.  McCain was clever in demonstrating his comprehension of American politics.  Some of his jargon is difficult to follow – probably because his language was affected while serving as a POW. Highlights from McCain’s debate answers: The moderator is a […]

8Oct2008 | | 3 comments | Continued
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EPA Puts Republicans on Endangered Species List

The Environmental Protection Agency, a cousin to the National Parks, has declared the species of neanderthal Republicans to be endangered.  Qualifying as endangered provides specific government protection.  Specifically, the EPA is developing a Republican Wildlife Refuge.  Preliminary plans are to locate the Refuge in Alaska. Drastic action is called for after a recent study by […]

7Oct2008 | | Comments Off on EPA Puts Republicans on Endangered Species List | Continued