Tag: jokes
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All Posts Tagged With: "jokes"

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Donald Trump Late Night jokes

“Yesterday, Donald Trump said, ‘If I lose, I don’t think you’ll ever see me again.’ So finally, a Trump campaign slogan we can all get behind.” –Conan O’Brien

24Oct2016 | | Comments Off on Donald Trump Late Night jokes | Continued
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More Donald Trump Jokes

“Over the weekend, three pages of Donald Trump’s 1995 tax return were leaked, revealing that he declared a $916 million loss from his three Atlantic City casinos. That’s right. Donald Trump lost money on casinos. You know what they say, ‘The house always loses.’” –Stephen Colbert “You started your campaign by accusing Mexicans of being […]

24Oct2016 | | Comments Off on More Donald Trump Jokes | Continued
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Donald Trump Jokes

“Last night, Donald Trump said if he’s elected, he will employ a ‘deportation task force.’ It’s not really necessary, because if he’s elected most people will probably leave voluntarily.” –Conan O’Brien “The Boston Globe just reported that according to his campaign staff, Donald Trump wouldn’t take any vacations as president. I think that’s because he […]

15Sep2016 | | Comments Off on Donald Trump Jokes | Continued
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Ben Carson Humor – 2015

Ben Carson is that neuro guy – which seems to be an enigma given his loose tongue.  No matter – there are some really creative people running around with high tech opportunities to mix humor, politics, and technology. Enjoy:  

9Nov2015 | | Comments Off on Ben Carson Humor – 2015 | Continued
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Puns

We picked these up from the internet: .. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. .. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. .. The batteries were given out free of charge. .. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. .. A will is a dead giveaway. .. […]

28Jan2015 | | Comments Off on Puns | Continued
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“It Was So Cold…” (Cold Jokes)

From the internet: It was so cold . . . we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues! It was so cold… hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs! It was so cold… roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and […]

8Jan2015 | | Comments Off on “It Was So Cold…” (Cold Jokes) | Continued
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Irish Humor

One night, Mrs McMillen answers the door to see her husbands best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep. “Hello Paddy, but where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory” Paddy shook his head. “Ah Mrs McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat […]

11Mar2014 | | 1 comment | Continued
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Redneck Christmas Shopping

Sorry folks, this is no joke.  There are redneck jokes, and those jokes work because they point out the lack of sophistication of a class of people.  For instance, you might be a redneck if you go to family reunions looking for girls.  Humor is found in the absurd, the ludicrous, the unexpected.  Redneck jokes […]

1Dec2013 | | Comments Off on Redneck Christmas Shopping | Continued
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Stupid Jokes From the Web

All of these jokes were taken directly from a facebook post.  Enjoy. Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. ‘We don’t have half dozen nuggets,’ said the teenager at the counter. […]

6Sep2013 | | Comments Off on Stupid Jokes From the Web | Continued
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Random Humor From the Internet

  I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 79. I’m so happy, because I live at number 71. So it’s not too far to walk home afterwards. And it’s the same side of the street. I don’t even have to cross the road! ~~~~~ Answering […]

6Aug2013 | | 2 comments | Continued
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Drunk Jokes II

A drunk went to a police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance i court,” said the desk officer. “No, no, no!” said the man.  “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.” ************************************************************************************************** “My sponsor […]

5Aug2013 | | Comments Off on Drunk Jokes II | Continued
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…The Fight Started —

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’ ‘No,’ she answered. I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’ … She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’ So I said, […]

19Jul2013 | | Comments Off on …The Fight Started — | Continued
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Crude Jesus, Christmas, Church Jokes

JESUS: Jesus walks into a hotel.  He hands the room clerk three nails and says, “Can you put me up for the night? I don’t care who you are, get back in the boat and help us row. I don’t care who you are, drop that cross one more time and you are out of […]

23Jun2013 | | Comments Off on Crude Jesus, Christmas, Church Jokes | Continued
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Drunk Jokes

A local City Council is thinking of closing the bars earlier.  If you can’t get drunk by midnight you are not trying. A man should learn that martinis and a woman’s breasts have a lot in common.  One isn’t enough and three is too many. A man recently went on a drinking man’s diet.  He […]

15Mar2013 | | Comments Off on Drunk Jokes | Continued
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Men Jokes

A man is  happily married.  He has a wife who works while he stays home, a wife who cooks, and a wife who has sex like rabbits – Hopefully they will never meet. Some men say they can understand women.  They are either psychiatrists or in need of one. A dietician was lecturing on the […]

15Mar2013 | | 1 comment | Continued
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Physician Jokes

Doctors are brilliant.  They cure poor people faster. My doctor told me I had two weeks to live.  I hope they are not in August. The receptionist said, “Let me get your medical history.  Do you pay your bills on time?” When a doctor wants a consultation that means he is calling in an accomplice. […]

2Mar2013 | | Comments Off on Physician Jokes | Continued
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Golf Jokes

A very fine young woman once said, “Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a handsome young golfing partner.  You can keep the clubs and the fresh air.” If you have a hard time meeting new people just try picking up the wrong golf ball. “I’ll bet there are people worse at golf than me.”  […]

28Feb2013 | | Comments Off on Golf Jokes | Continued
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Farm Jokes

I met a farmer who was a magician.  He turned a cow into a field. We were in the country, standing by wishing well.  My wife fell in.  I had no idea those things really worked. What this country needs is a lie detector that seed catalogs can take. We tried mating cows and mules […]

18Feb2013 | | Comments Off on Farm Jokes | Continued
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Elephant Jokes

Why does the elephant wear red sneakers.? So he can hide in the strawberry patch. How do you get six elephants in a Ford Focus?  Three in the front and three in the back. Why do elephants have flat feet?  So they can stand on marshmallows. Why do elephants stand on marshmallows?  So they won’t […]

15Feb2013 | | Comments Off on Elephant Jokes | Continued
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Ego Humor

He’s not egotistical.  He just loves intelligent people. He collects his own autographs. Some people think they know everything.  They irritate those of us who do. His marriage was a triangle:  Him, his wife, and him. He never takes a hot shower, it clouds his mirror. He found his better half in a mirror. Fall […]

15Feb2013 | | Comments Off on Ego Humor | Continued
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Some “Pope” Resignation Headlines

Pope Benedict the something has resigned.  Some of our politicians might consider the example.  No Pope has resigned his office in the last 590 years.  Shocked, the news media went into action.  There were some pretty funny and clever headlines. Here are a few: “Holy see you later” “Vacancy at the Vatican” “Can Popes do […]

12Feb2013 | | 1 comment | Continued
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Jef Foxworthy on Being a Missourian

(This was taken in its entirety from an email). Missouri according to Jeff Foxworthy: If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t even work there, you may live in Missouri. If you’ve worn shorts and a jacket at the same time, you may live in Missouri. … If you’ve had […]

5Jan2013 | | Comments Off on Jef Foxworthy on Being a Missourian | Continued
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Courtroom Humor

This was copied from a facebook post.  We fid humor to be refreshing – humor helps keep our sanity from a complete meltdown.  Enjoy. HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES???? These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down […]

9May2012 | | Comments Off on Courtroom Humor | Continued
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Crude Men Jokes

Sorry folks.  Sometimes things just strike me as funny.  Certainly I recognize that jokes can be offensive, can promote prejudice, can alienate others, and can frankly make some people very angry.  Racial and ethnic jokes have long gone by the wayside in the interest of political correctness.  I get it.  I understand the sensitivities of […]

2Jul2011 | | Comments Off on Crude Men Jokes | Continued
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Catholic Priest Jokes

By covering the horrendous crimes against children by Priests – the Roman Catholic Church has invited a legitimate comparison to slimy lawyers. If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a Catholic Priest, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? Shoot the […]

17Apr2010 | | 6 comments | Continued
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Offensive Redneck Jokes

Did you hear about the guy from Alabama who passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can’t touch it until she’s 14. Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32?  It seems that they want to keep alcohol out of the […]

10Apr2010 | | Comments Off on Offensive Redneck Jokes | Continued
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Redneck Ingenuity – or Schizophrenic Engineering?

I know rednecks.  I should.  I am one generation removed from hillbillies.  Around these parts people who are one generation removed must go through the redneck phase – and sometimes that phase lasts a couple of generations.  I am known as a half-breed because I obtained a formal university education.  Even my redneck friends will […]

5Feb2010 | | 3 comments | Continued
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Letterman on Bush, McCain, Palin, and Clinton

David Letterman is taking over late night television.  With this monologue, it is easy to see why.  His writers are superb, and Letterman knows how to tell a joke.  Is this merely a case of art reflecting reality – or are these just jokes?

28Aug2009 | | Comments Off on Letterman on Bush, McCain, Palin, and Clinton | Continued
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Is McCain a Natural Blonde

John McCain has had so many gaffes this year that some of the boys down at the Bait Shop are wondering if he is a natural Blond.  We did not think much of this talk until Elizabeth Horseback went on the Campaign stump for McCain and Palin.  That about sealed the deal.  She wrote the […]

27Oct2008 | | Comments Off on Is McCain a Natural Blonde | Continued
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McCain is a Mall Walker – Letterman

Son, David Letterman really took off on John McCain. Is this a sign of things to come? Are the comedians going to make fun of old people, or just John McCain? Does humor have boundaries? Not in this case. McCain has put himself out there – knowing as an experienced politician that all thing are […]

21Feb2008 | | 3 comments | Continued