Toyota should hire a Redneck – that is the advice from the General Store in Punkin Center, Missouri.  We were talking the other day about fixing old cars when Billy Ray said straight out that someone needs to do some fixin on new cars.  Billy Ray claims that just about any old Redneck could have fixed the Toyota engineering problems on a Saturday afternoon.

We have written before about Redneck Ingenuity – some people down in St. Joe call it Schizophrenic engineering.  That sort of talk comes from people who have to have AAA or some other roadside service because they can’t change a flat tire.   The fact is that a redneck has the capacity to understand and fix problems that seem to plague the educated elite.  It seems the schizophrenics are the engineers at modern auto makers.

There was a time when the gas pedal on a car was hooked by a steel cable directly to the carburetor – push the pedal and the cable would advance the carburetor throttle.  It was not complicated.  Complicated is what happens to schizophrenics – they have voices in their heads telling them that the gas pedal should be hooked to the fuel system (located about two feet from the pedal) through computerized electronic radio signals.

When the news first broke about Toyota gas pedals sticking, causing the car to rapidly accelerate out of control, the boys down at the General Store had a good laugh.  Billy Ray was amazed, “If that was my car I bet I could fix that gas pedal in about ten minutes.”

Bobby John laughed at Billy Ray, “You don’t get it Billy Ray.  Those gas pedals are not like the ones you used to jack around with.  They ain’t got no wires.”

Billy Ray seemed astounded, “What do you mean?  When the Big Bopper plays fast music on the radio the car goes faster?”

Bobby John stopped picking his ear and looked at Billy Ray with sad eyes, “You dumb Redneck.  It aint that kind of radio waves.  It’s the other kind.”

Billy Ray smiled, “Oh, you mean the kind that don’t work.”

Bobby John took a sip of his coffee and started to talk but Billy Ray stopped him.  “Here’s the way it works Bobby John.  You buy a car.  It don’t work.  You take it back.  They say they fixed it but it still don’t work.  You take it back.  They say they fixed it again.  But it don’t work.  If you got a mortgage on the car you is pickled.  If you don’t got no mortgage you is still pickled.  It’s like this – your car don’t work but you got about two years of wages tied up in the car.  You caint sell it cause you would have to drive your wife’s Harley Davidson to work – and she ain’t gonna let you do dat.   You got all this trouble going on when all the time you had the solution right out back in the shed.  You got a pair of pliers, some wire cutters, and all kinds of steel cable – just fix the damn thing.”

Bobby John scoffed, “Yeah, but you do dat and it will void the warranty.”

Billy Ray smiled, “With any luck you might be right.  They fixed the car two times on warranty – you might be better just fixing the thing yourself.  You won’t have no warranty, but you won’t be wrapped around a bridge pillar neither.”

Steve jumped in, “And if a Redneck fixed the car then it would be able to pull a trailer loaded with old refrigerators.”

Billy Ray answered with astonishment, “Steve, who do you know that hauls refrigerators?  Most folks around here puts them out back for their bee hive.”