I met a farmer who was a magician.  He turned a cow into a field.

We were in the country, standing by wishing well.  My wife fell in.  I had no idea those things really worked.

What this country needs is a lie detector that seed catalogs can take.

We tried mating cows and mules so we could get milk with a kick in it.

Then there was the farmer’s daughter who was sent home from the State Fair because she could not keep her calves together.

When a farmer plans to get a cow with a calf, the process is called “serving the cow.”  No wonder a lot of farmers shiver when they hear a candidate say he wants to “sever the public.”

A farmer put an add in the paper that said, “Need wife with a tractor.  Please send a picture of the tractor.”

This city boy goes to town to rent some dogs for hunting.  He returns later for more dogs. “Where are the others,” the store clerk asks.  “I already shot them”.

A farmer is complaining about his neighbor who tells lies.  I won’t say that he is the worst but when it is time to call the pigs for slop he has to get someone else to do it.

Baloo was a smart dog.  He knew how fast to run after coyotes so he would not catch them.

A farmer owes his life to udders.

A farmer was describing how horrific his scare crow was.  His neighbor said, “That’s nothing.  I put up a scarecrow that was so bad that the birds brought back the corn the took last year.”

A gentleman farmer is one who has whitewall tires on his feed spreader.

One farmer could not keep his hands off his bride so he fired them.