More Donald Trump Jokes
“Over the weekend, three pages of Donald Trump’s 1995 tax return were leaked, revealing that he declared a $916 million loss from his three Atlantic City casinos. That’s right. Donald Trump lost money on casinos. You know what they say, ‘The house always loses.'” –Stephen Colbert
“You started your campaign by accusing Mexicans of being rapists. Now you’re on tape explaining how you sexually assault women. The only way you could be more hypocritical is if you said it in Spanish.” –Michael Che on Saturday Night Live’s “Weekend Update”
“Donald Trump’s charity, the Trump Foundation, is no longer allowed to accept donations in New York. This is really bad news for anyone who thought, ‘I’d like to make sure my money gets to the people who really need it; I know, I’ll funnel it through Donald Trump.'” –Conan O’Brien
“Last night, Donald Trump said if he’s elected, he will employ a ‘deportation task force.’ It’s not really necessary, because if he’s elected most people will probably leave voluntarily.” –Conan O’Brien
“Oh, Donald Trump, the media is not ‘rigged’ against you. They’re just recording what you say and playing it back. If anything, you’re rigging your own campaign.” –Trevor Noah
“Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, said this morning that Republicans should decide whether or not they support Donald Trump and ‘stop pussyfooting around.’ That’s the worst choice of words since Abraham Lincoln said, ‘I need slavery like I need a hole in the head.'” –Seth Meyers
“Oh, Donald Trump, the media is not ‘rigged’ against you. They’re just recording what you say and playing it back. If anything, you’re rigging your own campaign.” –Trevor Noah
“Trump denied the (groping) allegations, calling them ‘ludicrous’ at a rally today. But here’s the problem for Trump: There’s very good reason to believe he did what he’s accused of. Why? Because an irrefutable, inside source told us so: Donald Trump. Donald Trump is his own Deep Throat. He’s Creep Throat.” –Seth Meyers
“Donald Trump had a meltdown about what a great temperament he has. It was like watching someone carve ‘I’m not a psycho’ into their arm.” –Bill Maher on the first presidential debate
“Hillary Clinton actually went to her granddaughter’s second birthday party instead of preparing for the first debate against Trump. I guess she figured being around a bunch of screaming toddlers might help her even more.” –Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump was still saying Obama’s birth certificate could be fake last year. And I’m not sure the guy who holds fake press conferences, has a fake university, a fake foundation, fake hair, and a fake tan should be the one in charge of deciding what’s real.” –Seth Meyers on Trump finally admitting that Obama was born in the United States
“Donald Trump was actually describing himself in an interview this week and said that his strongest suit is his temperament. Although sadly, even that suit is made in China.” –Jimmy Fallon
