I am all for equality between the sexes. Always have been, I guess. As a Baby Boomer, I have seen a whole lot of it not being that way. Equality is easily defined on paper and somehow in life it gets spread out, the lines get blurred and more difficult to find the easy divisions of time and labor. Marriage or coupling is where equality really gets murky. It used to be, ‘Man’s Work’ and ‘Woman’s Work’. The system worked for many hundreds of years, or at least the men thought so. Probably, many women did as well. Then comes the Women’s Libbers with their message of equality and black and white ideals of how it should become reality.

The reality is… ‘equality’ is a word, a concept, a goal to attain, yet not quite reachable in black and white terms, it is not tangible. I once knew a man who married a woman much younger than he. She was a ‘Libber’ making sure she and he were living life in the equal zone. He for the most part thought she was beautiful, smart and cute. He indulged her idealistic notions. That was until the ‘Come to Jesus Moment’ when she realized that equality was not happening in the way it was supposed to happen, according to ‘Libber’ standards. Things weren’t adding up to 50% for him and 50% for her.

They didn’t have a discussion, they fought about this unacceptable circumstance. Who takes out the trash, who does the dishes etc., etc., etc. She made an assignment sheet and divvied up everything to be shared equally between them regarding household chores and such. Apparently making the bed wasn’t on the list but she had that covered as well. She got up the following morning, got ready for work and made her half of the bed. Yes, just her half of the bed, leaving his half to be made or unmade as he would choose.

He really was a good man, amiable in most anything and everything. Of course he loved her, thought she was a lovely, smart, cute little thing, but this was just not quite how he had envisioned forever and share and share alike. So, we at the office only heard from him personally on this bit of his marriage. It wasn’t very many months later, he quit his job, started somewhere else and word through the Grapevine…. He and his cute, young thing were no longer married. Maybe the problem was they both forgot about age equality…. I don’t know just a thought.

A tale of another couple who defied tradition and became involved with each other while still married to others. She was over a decade younger than he and had two children, a working girl with grand ideas. He was, of course, over a decade older with three children, one grown and two soon to be. He was a successful business man and had all the toys and doodads to show for it. Circumstances (an unplanned pregnancy) forced them both to cut the old ties and make new ones. Making vows of ‘Till Death Do We Part’ and bringing a precious new life into a world with both a father and mother. So far equality hasn’t been an issue for them age wise or otherwise. However… It became a factor, that was, his money (lots of it) and her money (not so much). Their bliss was short-lived and the man misquoted a verse from the bible about couples should be equally yoked. In his narrative, this referred to their financial statuses. All the same the ‘Equal’ word reared its ugly head once again. Instead of creating peace it caused much chaos. Maybe the verse understood correctly could have been a more positive feature for them both.

2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

How are we supposed to live with each other ‘Forever’? Or at least until ‘Death Do Us Part’? There is another word that should be used. An equal word in my humble opinion. Compromise…. the same, if not greater, as the word and concept of ‘Equal’. Are my hopes, dreams and wants more important than my spouse’s hope, dreams or wants? Are they equal to my spouses? The reality is…. They are neither equal or more important. They are just hopes, dreams and wants…. All subject to circumstance and completely changeable. The one constant thing in a ‘Forever’ relationship is keeping it that way, through thick and thin. When the other stuff including ‘Equality’ becomes more important, then ‘Forever’ stands on shaky ground. There are many other things that can interfere with a relationship being stable, very many, I only chose the ‘Equal Word’ because it’s important to respect and try to keep all things as equable as possible, but ‘Forever’ is never easy, never 50/50, but always a goal to work for. Something to hold on to when things get bumpy or become a rollercoaster of problems and trouble.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8