I once told my sixth grade teacher, Mrs. Utz, that I wanted to be a writer or perhaps a journalist when I grew up. She did something, that not many in my young life, most did not do. She didn’t laugh, she didn’t say “Oh really” in that skeptical, high-toned way, people will do with children. She said “Good for you” and the next day gave me a book on “How to Write”. I have carried that book with me everywhere, since.

I can’t claim that I have learned much or have written much. My dreams were dimmed in high school, when I told the counselor, I wanted to be a journalist and needed classes to help me do that. I didn’t want the usual classes given to girls who weren’t expected to be more than housewives, soon. I declared “I’m not going to be any man’s secretary”, not realizing at the time that, about a decade later, that is exactly what I would be. A crash course in typing was needed and forget shorthand, there was no time for that. I will swear on a bible, well maybe not, but I believe I am the creator of chat speak and texting code. Because, that’s what I had to do, use my good memory and knowledge of abbreviations to sit down and take dictation from my boss. However, I still desired to write.

Yesterday, I had what I call a “Purging Episode”. That is when stuff is closing in on my personal space, threatening to suffocate the life out of me. I have had several of those episodes this month, first in my closet and dresser drawers and yesterday was the ‘File Cabinet’. The place where practically my whole life resides. My husband calls me a paper hoarder. I call my self, practical and cautious, you just never know when that twenty year old receipt will come in handy. Truthfully, there have been several times my file cabinet has saved the day.

I imagine that this is history that needs to be treasured, protected and maintained. Who knows what my papers may give to the future or the story one of my Great,  Great, Great Grandchildren will treasure. Still the purge monster was alive and made me get rid of several years worth of paid bill receipts, tax papers and more. While there, I came across some old attempts I had in writing and poetry. I knew they existed. I just hadn’t seen them for a while. There are many others that may be waiting for rediscovery in a box stored away. Or they may be lost forever. That makes me sad, but life goes on and I do have what I am about to share. For better or worse I present to you:

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Prayer – October 17, 1986

All else has failed, a struggle in vain
No happiness, just heartbreak and strife
A bargain, a plea, to ease the pain
A prayer, a last resort of impoverished life

A bargain, a plea, to ease the pain
Be it husband, child or wife
A hope to relieve the strain
A prayer, the first resort to better life

This was an attempt to release some anguish of recent a negative event with an alcohol infused husband. There were many of those, events that is. The poetry not so much. A year later we were separated and headed to divorce court after twenty plus years of marriage.

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Ambitions of a Christian Housewife – September 1, 1974

Ever since I’ve been four years old, I’ve thought about what I was going to be when I grew up. Well, I’ve been grown for several years now and still think about what I want to be. There must not be a time in anyone’s life, that they don’t have an ambition to be someone or do something. A housewife goes through life desiring to be anything other than what she is. Now as terrible as this may be it is true. The thing for her to do, is go ahead and make an honest effort to do whatever she feels she can do. There is no disgrace in failure, only in not trying to begin with.
A woman would have to keep house if she supported herself, so why not aspire to be the best whatever it is you want as well as a housewife. To accomplish both should be every woman’s ambition as well as her tonic.

Now, I’ve sat and gave myself a lecture as to why I should go ahead and do what I want to do. So, with what I feel is a solid conviction and double dose of tonic, I intend to go ahead, act upon a fifteen year old dream to be a writer, as well as a newborn, but greatly growing idea to become a school teacher.

Looking at the title, you may be wondering what I’ve just said has to do with being a Christian housewife. Couldn’t this apply to any liberation minded woman? I have to answer, yes, definitely! Only being a Christian, which is an ambition I never had, until the Lord showed me Salvation and through his Grace gave it to me to have eternally. I am praying that God will give me the power to do these things for his glory. I’m going to faith Him for that. In fact, God has already given me the answer. “Unto those who seek after me, I will give power to do all things, in my name” I thank Jesus for this and all he’s done for me.

Faith without works is dead, so now is the time to start doing something.
SIGNED: Nancy Belle Kohler, Wife, Mother, Writer, Teacher, CHRISTIAN!!

This was written just before I went back to school to earn my GED. I was never able to complete high school and until I heard about this program had given up any idea of a formal continued education. My goals were simple, I have maintained CHRISTIAN and Mother, working on Writer still and teacher…. Didn’t get that done in the conventional way. Yet, I still believe I am a Teacher in my own fashion.

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Untitled – February 16, 1977

Surrounded yet alone
This feeling out weighs a stone

How can I be glad
When I love and am not loved
The injustice makes me sad

They give not a thought; not a care
I take all the steps
It’s not really fair

Anger says retaliate
I cannot cut the binds
To love and be unloved is my fate

This one I remember well… It still breaks my heart. I have a large family many siblings of whom I am the eldest. This problem never was resolved and continues today. 

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It Pends – January 9, 1987

Snow, snow clean and white
Gently falls a winter night
“Be ye friend of be ye foe”?
“Pends, are you rich or are you po”?
“Pends, are you man or are you chile”?
They must say are I good or are I vile
Snow, snow clean and white
A mountainside blanket, bright
Be ye foe or be ye friend?
Answers once again, “It Pends”

I am not a fan of snow since I have been grown… I don’t mind savoring the beauty from the warm side of the window. So I would take bets this came about because the kids were home with a ‘Snow Day’.

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Christmas – undated (early Eighties I’m sure)

Christmas is coming, it’s really quite near
My children are preparing for the day
Another Christmas, The haven’t learned I fear
That loving and giving they should display
Be good at Christmas, also all year
Material things won’t matter if love has it’s way

This Christmas start anew, in love let’s bask
None of Mom I want this, Dad I want that
When work needs to be done don’t say, “It’s not my task”
If you are wronged, don’t give tit for tat
Be kind and love each other, ALWAYS, is all I ask

Merry Christmas and Love to you all
May God’s blessing fill you
Mother loves you even if you fall
May you always love each other as I do

I guess early eighties on this one, only because that is when my older children were tweens and I was working outside the home daily. Trying to juggle being a good Mother, Wife and Employee and apparently having a struggle.

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Bitter Honey – August 19, 1980

Introduction; Keeala is the ancestor of the now existing Honey Guide, who resides in Africa. His story came to me when I was studying about some of the birds in Africa. The Africans do use the Honey Guide to find the treasured honey. They do have a legend concerning this bird and try to explain why he leads them straight to the nest but never partakes of the honey. I think that this is the way it must have happened. Who knows? Only Keeala and Zambre.

A long time ago, in the land of flowing rivers, tall trees and warming sun, lived Keeala, the honey bird, Zambre, the honey badger, Rankee, the mouse and Seeta, Queen of all bees.

Keeala, lived a simple life. He guarded the bee’s nests Zambre. In exchange the bees would give him some of their golden honey. Zambre roamed the forest, always greedily looking for an unguarded nest to raid. He would ravage the nest, killing the bees and never eating all the honey. He would leave it spilled on the ground, wasted to everyone. So, Keeala had an important task, to warn Seeta and her dominions of helpers, of the badger’s approach. At the first sign of Zambre, he would sing out, ZAAMBREE! ZAAM-ZAAM-BREEE!!

Rankee was a friend of Seeta’s. She and Seeta would have long conversations. They talked of many things of concern, during Seeta’s time of rule. Seeta had come to depend greatly on her old friend and Raskee’s advice helped seta to be a good and wise ruler of her domain.

One day as Raskee was leaving the Queen’s palace, she was seen by the wicked Zambre. He was just beginning to get an idea as Keeala spotted him in the brush. Keeala trilled out his warning, ZAAM_BREE!! ZAAM_BREE!! Old Zambre heard, “That Seeta, she has fine friends, but I will take care of her and them.” Before the bee army can catch him, he turns and runs back into the thick bush.

Zambre, finds a place to hide where he can watch Seeta’s palace. For many days he watched all the comings and goings, and plans. Finally he has formulated his evil plot. Soon, he is able to put into deed his terrible plans. Raskee, the queen’s mouse friend, came up her normal path to visit Seeta. Ahead of her to the side of the path, is Zambre. Now, Keela does not see Raskee coming up the path. This is as Zambre had hoped. He jumps with a terrible roar into the path to gain Keeala’s attention. Keeala, as usual gives his warning. The bee army has been alerted and proceeded on their way with Keeala in the lead. Zambre waits until the last moment, then dashes down the path and into a hole he had dug earlier, just for this occasion. Raskee has been on her way up the path. As she is slightly deaf, she is unaware of all the turmoil ahead of her. Ah! This is all just as the villainous Zambre has planned.

The bee army advanced, armed and ready for the battle ahead. Too late, they saw that Zambre was gone. Instead, there was their old friend Raskee. In the end, Raskee was dead. Keeala was brought to judgement at the court of bees. He tried to tell them that Zambre had been there, but he had no proof. Seeta is bereaved, her old friend is gone, never to be seen again. Never will she have the benefit of Raskee’s wisdom in council, nevermore. If this had not been so, she may have ruled differently in Keeala’s behalf. Seeta punishes Keeala for the death of Raskee. He is banished from the territory of the bees and will never be allowed the sweet honey he so loved. Seeta also punished the bee army for their part in her friend’s death. Their sentence was a great blow to the colony of bees. They had been limited to only one sting and upon using this they would immediately die. Keeala was dejected he had left before Seeta had pronounced judgement on the bee army. He had left feeling full responsibility had been place upon him.

Keeala was distressed. He had lost his friends and livelihood, through no fault of his own. If only he could have proven his story. but he could not. Only Zambre knew the truth. Keeala journeyed in search of Zambre. After many days he found his old enemy. “Zambre!” “I have searched everywhere for you. You must help me. Tell Seeta that you were there the day RAskee was killed.” “Ho! Ho!, replied Zambre. You are a fool, bird. I have what I want now. Do you think I was there by chance? I planned the whole thing. I cannot and will not say anything in your defense.” “You horrible creature!” answered Keeala in disgust. “Why would you want the death of Raskee who never had even a thought of harm against you?” “Fool”, said Zambre. “It was necessary for you to be out of favor so I could get the honey.” “You are a despicable beast!”, exclaimed Keeala.

Zambre paid no heed to Keeala’s alarm over his recent revelations of the events leading to Raskee’s death. He was plotting how he could dupe Keeala into his service once more. Without a guard for the nests the bees had hidden their homes so well that Zambre had been without a taste of honey for many days. “Keeala, do you not feel hatred for Seeta?” “No, why should I?”, replied Keeala. Cunningly Zambre fires the flames of self-pity and Keeala’s sense of injustice over the banishment, Seeta had place upon him. “Was it not unfair for her to convict you for the death of Raskee, when her own army killed her? Is she not partly to blame? Ah, but only you suffer.” “I never thought about it, in that way. You are right, what can I do?” asked Keeala. Zambre knew just how to influence Keeala, “Would you like the taste of honey on your tongue again?” “Oh, yes!” exclaimed Keeala.

“Listen to me, the bees have hidden their homes deep in the forest. We will find them and teach them. They do not have the total right of judgement in this forest. Here is what we will do. You will fly high and scout out the nests. Then chirp directions to me. I can use my superior strength to rip the nests apart. Then we will gorge ourselves on their precious honey. “When do we start!” cried Keeala, who was now heady with the thought of revenge against the injustice brought to him by Seeta. He had totally forgotten Zambre’s role in the matter.

They were off on their journey, in search of the bees and their honey. Each with different motives for their planned deed. Zambre’s was pure greed and Keeala’s was revenge. Soon Keeala, being at an advantage, as Zambre had forseen, found a nest. Disguising his voice so the bees would not know he had returned, Keeala tells Zambre of the hidden nest. Zambre prowled the area and attacked, taking the bees by surprise. In a short time the nest was demolished. The bees were dead. Zambre stuffed himself, spilling honey everywhere, as he did. However, he kept to the bargain with Keeala and left some combs with honey intact. “Come, Keeala, feast and enjoy your successful revenge. This is not the last these bees have seen of us.” Keeala tasted of the honey. It was not as he remembered, sweet and smooth as it went down his throat. It was bitter and choked him terribly. Remorse set over him as he looked upon the destruction around him. Slowly, he began picking up the scattered bees-wax, swallowing as he did. This satisfied his hunger and cleared the devastation and his conscience.

“Hey! What is the matter with you?” asked Zambre. “I have lost my taste for honey, the wax is much more to my liking”, claimed Keeala. He did not wish to admit his true feelings to this new, if not unseemly, ally. Keeala, did not lose his resentment toward the bees and continued to hunt their nests for Zambre, but he could never again eat honey. Instead he would eat the was and dead bees in an attempt to clear the misdeed from his conscience.

To this day bees hide their homes and can only sting once and soon die after doing so. The honey bird is now called the Honey Guide by man, who now use him to find the sweet delicacy. Badgers are still cruel and greedy.

Poor Keeala, he learned to late that bad creatures are not always affected by their deeds. Very often though, the good ones are. If they are wise and avoid being involved in evil plots.

These are primitive and I have used great restraint to re-create them here just as they were when first written, flaws and all. I have enjoyed sharing. I hope you have enjoyed as well.