I am old; a senior but not yet elderly. My adult life has been a quest for sanity. I have said that many times, but I am just now beginning to understand what sanity means. Sanity is an escape from family of origin dysfunction. Sanity is discovering and alleviating ignorance and prejudice – racism, homophobia, chauvinism… Sanity is recognizing social injustice. Sanity is finding emotional intelligence – knowing when to walk away, knowing when to run. Is it too arrogant to say I look around and discover that many people in my life have not bothered with searching for anything but affirmation of their per-existing prejudices? Sadly, people in my family have worked hard to affirm their values and to pick up a few more prejudices that seem to fit. And yes, they use their ‘faith system’ as justification. Because it is a faith position it cannot be challenged. Sadness abounds.

I wrote a post more than ten years ago titled Sins of our Fathers and Other Life Prejudices. No one in my family read that post. Most in my family do not know of my spiritual journey, of my quest for maturity and honesty and the dignity of helping others. Most in my family do not know or understand my quest for knowledge and understanding. How can I say this? Why do I think this? Well, we live in the era of social media and Trumpism. Trumpism means the removal of any sense of shame for open prejudice – and beyond that – the need to confront anyone who is interested in social justice or progress. Social justice and progress have become synonymous with evil.

I go about my simple life – retired but working part-time with homeless people. I like my job and am beginning to understand the struggles that have brought people to despair. I am a part of the progressive community that works for better education, health care, jobs, nutrition, child care, the fight against racism, against homophobia, women’s rights, better roads, nicer parks, more fair taxes, fewer prisons, better trained police, you know – stuff like that.

If some people in my family have changed it is to reinforce their prejudices. They have doubled down on fringe religion. Some of them are straight up Trumpy, grab’em by the pussy punch them in the face Trumpy. Others have become professionally educated (good job training with little grasp of liberal arts) and mask their prejudice by explaining the logistical problems with equality and thus how equality is not meant to be. Clever but not smart.

I don’t really care except this – Trump told them to attack others. And they do. If I post something on my facebook page they come after me. It is as if they are in competition to see who can be most clever or cruel in their assault. When they are frustrated they call me a hater or just call me stupid. I am sure their hope is to intimidate me. I know others who do not post honestly because they do not want to suffer the ire of the whacked out right wing.

We are truly in a time of civil war. A time when brothers fight brothers. when families are divided and willing to openly chastise and harass others. I see their nonsense on their social media and walk away. They come after me. They are relentless. Or were. I finally unfriended members of my family. That was two days ago and I have been grieving since. I am recovering enough from the loss to write about it.

Where does the grief come from? What makes me sad?

The idea that anyone would invest their life in defending all childhood values seems preposterous. The idea that family members who are generally capable of intelligence pursuing closed-thinking is the egregious action. And I think the greater sin is in consciously and purposefully teaching the next younger generation the sad closed thinking. And today it is not just closed thinking – it is the active defense of prejudice, the active intentional pursuit of ignorance, the honor in not being educated, the disdain for reading and learning, the contempt for those who have devoted their lives to science and literature and history and philosophy.

The cancer of Trumpism has infected a segment of my family and I had to remove the tumor.