Wit and Wisdom

Political Correctness – Applying Manners Across The Board

I grew up in a lower class mixed race neighborhood. At age twenty-two, with no college training, I went to work in an office, wearing a coat and tie. I was rude and crude. But I have to say that by today’s standards we were all somewhat rude and crude – times change and polite […]

14Oct2015 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

Mr. Mullinax

I was once a young man, in a land far away. Well, about two miles from where I sit today. Methodist Hospital hired me as a Computer Operator three weeks before my first child was born. Actually, Larry Koch hired me – he was the Computer Operations Manager. His boss was John Mullinax. John was […]

13Oct2015 | Gary Clark | 1 comment | Continued

Quotes from Yogi Berra

1. “It ain’t over till it’s over.” 2. “It’s deja vu all over again.” 3. “I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4.” 4. “Never answer an anonymous letter.” 5. “We made too many wrong mistakes.” 6. “You can observe a lot by watching.” 7. “The future ain’t what it used to be.” […]

24Sep2015 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

Ladies and Gentlemen, Germans and Gents….

Another song from childhood: Ladies and gentlemen, Germans and gents, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants, I come before you because I am not behind you to tell you something I know nothing of. One bright day in the middle of the night two dead boys got up to fight back to back they faced each […]

6Sep2015 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

A Horse, A Flea, And Three Blind Mice

I learned this song as a child, taught it to my children and some grandchildren. A horse and a flea and the three blind mice were sitting on a tombstone rolling dice, the horse fell down and landed on the flea, oops said the flea there’s a horse on me. Boom Boom aint it great […]

6Sep2015 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

Hammering Bill Cosby

Judd Apatow is a comedian – with skills perhaps not equal to Bill Cosby – but astoundingly accurate when portraying the beleaguered comedian. Apatow uses Cosby’s own style to hammer home a point – a point that must be made. This routine is entirely appropriate and dead on: Here is the link

21Jul2015 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick! BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period. JOHN McCAIN: My […]

12Jul2015 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

Blonde Jokes

“An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake… He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’ The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, […]

31May2015 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

Stupid Jokes (jokes about being stupid)

Captured from the internet: Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. ‘We don’t have half dozen nuggets,’ said the teenager at the counter. ‘You don’t?’ I replied. ‘We only have six, […]

31May2015 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

Puns

We picked these up from the internet: .. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. .. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. .. The batteries were given out free of charge. .. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. .. A will is a dead giveaway. .. […]

28Jan2015 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

“It Was So Cold…” (Cold Jokes)

From the internet: It was so cold . . . we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues! It was so cold… hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs! It was so cold… roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and […]

8Jan2015 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

The Absurdy Of Private Humor

My friend has a girlfriend – she lives in another State. I assumed that refers to geography rather than a mindset. He told me that he called her and they talked for two hours. He called the next day and she reported that she is running out of minutes so she cannot talk again until […]

10Dec2014 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

Sexting, The Secret Codes of Youth

I am right up front on this one. I had no idea. But this should come as no great surprise to anyone. Perhaps a degree of initial shock – but after some brief contemplation – not surprising. R U getting this? The coded language of texting and internet chatting had to contain sexual references. Sex […]

9Dec2014 | Gary Clark | Comments Off | Continued

Thanksgiving Jokes

Gobble these up~ Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims like? A: Plymouth Rock Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? A: Pilgrims Q: Why can’t you take a turkey to church? A: They use FOWL language. Q: Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? A: It had 24 […]

22Nov2014 | Ohg Rea Tone | 1 comment | Continued

A Fan’s Guide to Baseball Lingo

From a friend’s facebook post: Baseball Basics: Lingo A fan’s guide to commonly-used terms and phrases. ace — A team’s best starting pitcher. alley– The section of the outfield between the outfielders. Also “gap.” around the horn– A double play going from third base to second to first. backdoor slider — A pitch that appears […]

26Oct2014 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

Golf Jokes

1. These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. ~ Sam Snead ——————————————————————————– 2. I was three over today: One over a house, one over a patio and one over a swimming pool. ~ George Brett ——————————————————————————– 3. Actually, the only time I […]

28Jun2014 | Ohg Rea Tone | 1 comment | Continued

Irish Humor

One night, Mrs McMillen answers the door to see her husbands best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep. “Hello Paddy, but where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory” Paddy shook his head. “Ah Mrs McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat […]

11Mar2014 | Ohg Rea Tone | 1 comment | Continued

Duck Dynasty – When Rednecks Are No Longer Funny

You might be a redneck if you go to family reunions looking for girls. Pretty funny stuff right there. God forgive me. Duck Dynasty is a reality show airing on A&E. The premise is simple – some rednecks living in the swamplands of Louisiana became rich selling hand wrought Duck calls. But, alas, they remain […]

25Dec2013 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

The Ressurection of Ohg Rea Tone

Ohg Tone and I have been friends for forty years. I first remember him when my oldest daughter was two years old. Ohg showed up and brought sarcastic humor into my family. As crude as he is – there is always a spark of humor. Ohg became a writer for thefiresidepost.com in 2007. After five […]

25Dec2013 | Gary Clark | Comments Off | Continued

Redneck Christmas Shopping

Sorry folks, this is no joke. There are redneck jokes, and those jokes work because they point out the lack of sophistication of a class of people. For instance, you might be a redneck if you go to family reunions looking for girls. Humor is found in the absurd, the ludicrous, the unexpected. Redneck jokes […]

1Dec2013 | Gary Clark | Comments Off | Continued

Stupid Jokes From the Web

All of these jokes were taken directly from a facebook post. Enjoy. Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. ‘We don’t have half dozen nuggets,’ said the teenager at the counter. […]

6Sep2013 | Gary Clark | Comments Off | Continued

Self Pity Sarcasm

Generally speaking, sarcasm is toxic. Sarcasm poisons conversation, debate, and relationships. However!!! Once in a while sarcasm is an effective tool for dramatizing that which needs to change. Here are a few sarcastic comments on self-pity: The Pity Train has just derailed at the intersection of Suck it up and Move On, and crashed into […]

18Aug2013 | Gary Clark | Comments Off | Continued

Random Humor From the Internet

I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 79. I’m so happy, because I live at number 71. So it’s not too far to walk home afterwards. And it’s the same side of the street. I don’t even have to cross the road! ~~~~~ Answering […]

6Aug2013 | Gary Clark | 2 comments | Continued

Drunk Jokes II

A drunk went to a police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance i court,” said the desk officer. “No, no, no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.” ************************************************************************************************** “My sponsor […]

5Aug2013 | Gary Clark | Comments Off | Continued

Twenty Dollars for Sex

Rodney Dangerfield said he suggested he and his wife have sex like they did before they were married. She said, “OK, give me twenty dollars.” And from the net: On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her […]

26Jul2013 | Gary Clark | 1 comment | Continued

…The Fight Started —

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’ ‘No,’ she answered. I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’ … She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’ So I said, […]

19Jul2013 | Gary Clark | Comments Off | Continued

Crude Jesus, Christmas, Church Jokes

JESUS: Jesus walks into a hotel. He hands the room clerk three nails and says, “Can you put me up for the night? I don’t care who you are, get back in the boat and help us row. I don’t care who you are, drop that cross one more time and you are out of […]

23Jun2013 | Gary Clark | Comments Off | Continued

Congress Jokes

The Democrat and the Republican Congressmen were arguing. One said, “I’ll bet you five dollars you do not even know the preamble to the Constitution. The other said, “I pledge allegiance to the United States….” The first interrupted and said, “I didn’t think you would know it,” and handed over five dollars. “He’s so conservative […]

3Jun2013 | Gary Clark | Comments Off | Continued

Trash Talk – The Elixir of Human Life

My predecessor at thefiresidepost.com, Ohg Rea Tone, was entertaining – if not always correct. He slung sarcasm like a pig in a sty. Mr. Tone recognized the elixir of human life was trash talk. Those moments in life when humans harmoniously agree on everything are just the one minute break between rounds. We can tell […]

18May2013 | Gary Clark | Comments Off | Continued

Corresponding With an Inmate in the Missouri Department of Corrections

Geez – corresponding with an inmate in the Missouri Department of Corrections can be very rewarding – and very frustrating. I am learning the rules as we go. My friend Joey is serving time for his fourth DWI. I do not dispute the sentence – DWI is a serious offense. Driving while intoxicated is responsible […]

1May2013 | Gary Clark | 1 comment | Continued

Drunk Jokes

A local City Council is thinking of closing the bars earlier. If you can’t get drunk by midnight you are not trying. A man should learn that martinis and a woman’s breasts have a lot in common. One isn’t enough and three is too many. A man recently went on a drinking man’s diet. He […]

15Mar2013 | Gary Clark | Comments Off | Continued

Men Jokes

A man is happily married. He has a wife who works while he stays home, a wife who cooks, and a wife who has sex like rabbits – Hopefully they will never meet. Some men say they can understand women. They are either psychiatrists or in need of one. A dietician was lecturing on the […]

15Mar2013 | Gary Clark | 1 comment | Continued

Physician Jokes

Doctors are brilliant. They cure poor people faster. My doctor told me I had two weeks to live. I hope they are not in August. The receptionist said, “Let me get your medical history. Do you pay your bills on time?” When a doctor wants a consultation that means he is calling in an accomplice. […]

2Mar2013 | Gary Clark | Comments Off | Continued

Golf Jokes

A very fine young woman once said, “Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a handsome young golfing partner. You can keep the clubs and the fresh air.” If you have a hard time meeting new people just try picking up the wrong golf ball. “I’ll bet there are people worse at golf than me.” […]

28Feb2013 | Gary Clark | Comments Off | Continued

Farm Jokes

I met a farmer who was a magician. He turned a cow into a field. We were in the country, standing by wishing well. My wife fell in. I had no idea those things really worked. What this country needs is a lie detector that seed catalogs can take. We tried mating cows and mules […]

18Feb2013 | Gary Clark | Comments Off | Continued

Famous Last Words

I don’t burn. I tan. Is there anything that I can do? General Custer commanded, “Men, don’t take any prisoners!” If you had any brains or ambition you would not be a traffic policeman. Give me a match, I think the tank is empty. Take off your clothes, the doctor will be with you in […]

15Feb2013 | Gary Clark | Comments Off | Continued

Elephant Jokes

Why does the elephant wear red sneakers.? So he can hide in the strawberry patch. How do you get six elephants in a Ford Focus? Three in the front and three in the back. Why do elephants have flat feet? So they can stand on marshmallows. Why do elephants stand on marshmallows? So they won’t […]

15Feb2013 | Gary Clark | Comments Off | Continued

Ego Humor

He’s not egotistical. He just loves intelligent people. He collects his own autographs. Some people think they know everything. They irritate those of us who do. His marriage was a triangle: Him, his wife, and him. He never takes a hot shower, it clouds his mirror. He found his better half in a mirror. Fall […]

15Feb2013 | Gary Clark | Comments Off | Continued

Bearing the Sword of Justice

I am Aries, born under Mars. I swing a heavy sword, the heavy sword of justice. The sword strikes at ignorance, at injustice, at human frailty. A child is threatened. Captured by the rogue of the closed mind. The child, once destined for greatness, becomes the rogue. Small town America, a bastion of self righteous […]

17Jan2013 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

Jef Foxworthy on Being a Missourian

(This was taken in its entirety from an email). Missouri according to Jeff Foxworthy: If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t even work there, you may live in Missouri. If you’ve worn shorts and a jacket at the same time, you may live in Missouri. … If you’ve had […]

5Jan2013 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

Old Men Walking, And Falling Down

I am a senior. That is the life designation we get when we are between middle age and elderly. My health is generally good. I walk about three miles every day and as a result I take no medications for any heart or respiratory conditions. But walking of late has become a treacherous proposition. I […]

23Oct2012 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

Courtroom Humor

This was copied from a facebook post. We fid humor to be refreshing – humor helps keep our sanity from a complete meltdown. Enjoy. HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES???? These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down […]

9May2012 | Gary Clark | Comments Off | Continued

Muslim Rednecks

I know a bunch of Rednecks. They live in my neighborhood and gather at my family functions. Their language is unique, something like Ebonics but with a twang. There are not many Muslims around Northwest Missouri – or at least they don’t publicly admit to their faith. About a hundred years ago regular Catholics did […]

25Aug2010 | Ohg Rea Tone | 1 comment | Continued

Youth Violence – Not Just Fight or Flight

Mark Twain used youth violence as a humorous anecdote necessary to the maturing process of young boys. In The Adventures of Tom Sawyer two boys (one is Tom) confront each other on the street; they taunt, tease, dare, and then scuffle. Tom is victorious when the other boy cries ’nuff!’ Not one sociologist at the time raised a stink about Twain’s portrayal of youth violence.

22Aug2010 | Ohg Rea Tone | 3 comments | Continued

Writing as a tool of personal development

My son and I began this magazine almost three years past. I have personally written over eleven hundred (1,100) posts. That is more than one a day. Why would anyone do such a goofy thing? I write because I am compelled to write. Every thought that crosses my mind must be written – and examined. […]

22May2010 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

Uniform Design Contest For Huffington Post Police Badges

Arianna Huffington has established a secret police force to monitor and control reader comments. Additionally the Huffington Post will now monitor, for free, reader social networking sites. Three different levels of ‘badges’ of authority can be earned by following Huffinton’s guidelines. The Fireside Post is volunteering to assist with the design of Huffington Police Uniforms. […]

30Apr2010 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

Redneck Ingenuity – or Schizophrenic Engineering?

I know rednecks. I should. I am one generation removed from hillbillies. Around these parts people who are one generation removed must go through the redneck phase – and sometimes that phase lasts a couple of generations. I am known as a half-breed because I obtained a formal university education. Even my redneck friends will […]

5Feb2010 | Ohg Rea Tone | 3 comments | Continued

The Redneck, The Italian, and The German

A redneck an Italian and a German were captured by the French. All convicted – they were sentenced to death by the guillotine. The Italian was led to the platform and given one last opportunity say his last words. He said, “Long live Italy.” The French put his head on the block and let the […]

13Oct2009 | Ohg Rea Tone | 1 comment | Continued

Letterman on Bush, McCain, Palin, and Clinton

David Letterman is taking over late night television. With this monologue, it is easy to see why. His writers are superb, and Letterman knows how to tell a joke. Is this merely a case of art reflecting reality – or are these just jokes?

28Aug2009 | Ohg Rea Tone | Comments Off | Continued

Polite Manners With Name Prefixes

How do you address others? How are we supposed to address others? The internet serves to mix cultures and polite manners. My internet friend in San Francisco calls me Mr. Tone. I call her Ann – thinking by so doing I would subtly give her permission to call me Ohg. She figured me out and […]

12Jun2009 | Ohg Rea Tone | 1 comment | Continued

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